I think I already know where she's going with this.
"You could've told me about your offer the exact moment you got it," she says. "I know you were trying to spare me because I already have a lot on my plate with the wedding. I get that. Honestly, I even appreciate the thought in a way. But Beth." She finally looks at me, and her eyes are bright and a little wet. "I would rather know. I wouldalwaysrather know. I asked you to be my maid of honor because I want you standing next to me for the biggest day of my life. I wouldn't have asked you to do that if I didn't also want to stand next to you when you have to make a life-altering decision."
This lands right in the center of my chest.
"You're right," I say. My voice comes out rougher than I expected.
"Good," she says, wiping quickly under one eye with the heel of her hand. "Because I rehearsed that in the shower this morning, and I was absolutely not prepared for you to argue with me."
I laugh, and she almost smiles but catches it, holding it back.
"So just... talk to me," she says. "That's all I'm asking. Whatever you're going through, whatever you're deciding. I want to be there for it, even if it's messy.Especiallyif it's messy."
I stare down at my coffee. The dark surface has gone still, reflecting a tiny, perfect rectangle of the blue sky above us. "I love you," I say, because it's the truest thing I can think of right now. "You know that, right?"
"Obviously." The smile breaks through now, helpless and warm and completely Harper.
"And I'm really sorry. For not telling you sooner."
I set my mug down on the wide armrest. It wobbles, and I steady it, buying myself a few extra seconds to gather my thoughts. I let out a long breath.
"The shop," I start, and then I stop. And then I force myself to start again. "The shop was supposed to be the beginning of everything. You know? The business, the house by the lake, the whole picture. I had this entire life planned out with Grant. I could literallyseeit. And then it all fell apart, but the flower shop is still there, and every morning I walk in, it's like—" I swallow hard. "It's like walking into an exhibit of the life I didn't get to have."
Harper is watching me, her eyes doing that thing where they go completely soft and open, making you feel like whatever you say next couldn't possibly be too much.
"But the weird part is, Ilovebeing a florist," I continue, my voice shaking a little. "I love the work. I just... I don't know if I can keep doing ithere. And the reason it's so incredibly hard for me to make a decision about this buyout is because of you. Because I love you. I love Luna. I love Maren. I love the people I have in this town. But you guys can't live my life for me."
I squeeze my eyes shut, a tear spilling over my lashes. "And I'm terrified of who I'll become if I stay in Lakeview just because of my friends, while the one thing that's supposed to be entirelymine—my work, my purpose—just makes me feel like I'm failing at a life I never even got to live."
The bird across the lake has gone quiet. Or maybe it's been a while and I only just noticed.
"Honestly—" I exhale, swiping at my cheek. "I just want to get to your wedding. I want to help you with everything, be the best maid of honor I can possibly be, and justlivefor a few weeks without agonizing over this decision every waking second. Then I'll get to it and figure it out, on my time."
More tears slide down my face, pooling at my jaw and dropping onto the flannel of my sweater. I didn't even feel them start.
Harper sets her mug on the deck floor, leans entirely across the space between our chairs, and wraps both arms tightly around me, her cheek pressing against my shoulder. She smells like the fancy coffee we just made, the cedar from the cabin, and something soft and floral that is just inherentlyher. My best friend.
"Youaregoing to figure it out," she says fiercely into my sleeve. "And when you do, whatever that looks like, I'm still going to be the most annoying presence in your life. I will drive or fly hours just to bother you. And if I'm sick and can't move, prepare to spend an ungodly amount of time on video calls."
I laugh against her hair, though it comes out mostly as a sob. But the air between us has shifted.
I take a breath, and it goes deeper than any breath I've taken in weeks. Down past the tightness in my throat, past the knot that's been living in my ribs. All the way down.
"Maren's going to be devastated she missed this," I say, my voice thick.
"That's what she gets for abandoning us for a comforter," Harper chuckles.
***
Maren, Harper and I are arranged in a loose triangle in the jacuzzi.
Jets are pulsing against my lower back, and steam curls off the surface of the water into the cool evening air. The sky has gone that bruised purple-blue that happens right after sunset, and the trees around the deck have turned into dark, feathery outlines.Harper found a bottle of prosecco in the cabin's welcome basket, and we're currently passing it between us.
"I just think it's a lot," Maren says, taking a sip and handing the bottle to Harper. "Luna's been seeing this alpha for—what, three months?"
"Less," I say. "Maybe two?"
"Two months, and she's spending so many weekends at his place in Ridgeville." Maren saysRidgevillelike it's a war zone and not a perfectly fine town thirty minutes from Lakeview. "That's fast."
