“But if this is hurting you more than it’s helping you,” Declan says, his voice even now, eyes burning into mine. “It’s not worth it anymore. I don’t know what happened, but I see the way you look at her. If she can’t reciprocate that, you need to let her go.”
“It’s not like that,” I say, even though I’ve been scaring myself lately with the same realizations. “We’ve mutually agreed to this. To the way this works.”
“Okay,” Declan says with a shrug. “Then keep at it. But this isn’t like you.”
“Yeah, clearly,” I grunt. “I missed your poker night.”
“You did.”
“Fuck.” I run a hand over my short hair. I’ve never felt thisbad about something in my life. Not even after a fight. “I’m so fucking sorry man. What the fuck?How did I?—”
“I have lost my headmanytimes over Lucky,” he tells me, saying so much without saying anything at all. “That’s what happens, Fork. It just is what it is.”
I scoff. “It’s not the same as with you and Sweets.”
The big, mega love story. The happy ending. The yearning. The pain. The fight to get there. It isn’t what’s happening between Red and me, even though I’d love for it to be.
“Okay.” He nods slowly. His eyes search my face. “Why’d you miss it then?”
I don’t have a good answer. I don’t have an answer that matters.
“I forgot,” I say softly. I feel awful. Fuckingawful.“Shit happened the night before and it completely slipped my mind.”
“Shit that you want to talk about?”
I shrug. “I made a fool of myself and she’s been acting differently ever since. I was wallowing. Hard.”
“Been there,” he grunts.
“It’s a mess, but she came tonight. With Sweets.”
“Yeah, she was over at my house today.”
I blink. “What?”
“They took the dogs for a walk and were having wine when I left.”
“Oh.” I was physically dying because we weren’t speaking and she was just…having wine and walking dogs with her friend?
“You cared enough that you justforgotabout a boys night?” he asks, cocking a brow. Definitely out of character for me.
Nosy little fucker. I hate being on the receiving end of this; I much like being the one who probes into his life instead.
“She’s my friend.”
“Ah.” He nods, but then he barks a deep laugh that seems to come from his heart. He points at me, brows raised. “Been there, too.”
“It’snotlike you and Sweets.”
“Whatever you say.”
He pulls his bag onto his shoulder and I start to panic. This conversation can’t end. I just put my foot in my mouth, all the way out my own ass, here. I hold out a hand to prevent him from going any further toward the door, and remarkably, he stops.
“I’m so fucking sorry, man.”
Dec smiles tightly, dimples and all. He opens his arms and I walk right into him, letting him smack me on the back to console me, as if I’m not the one in the wrong.
I’m a big, heartless loser.
