CHAPTER SIXTY
ariana
I open my door,ready to scurry to the kitchen for a snack. It’s the middle of the night. Everyone went to bed hours ago. I stand no chance of running into enemy number one at this hour.
Unfortunately, he came to me.
He’s standing in front of my door, his hand raised to knock.
I jump back, blinking, my eyes flickering from his bruised knuckles to his pale face. There’s torment written all over him. Bags under his eyes, tension in his jaw. He’s in a gray hoodie and matching sweats, the same outfit that Arden threw out in the hall for him before she locked him out that night.
We stare at each other and I force my expression to go lethally cold, my hands gripping the doorknob, ready to slam it in his face if he dares to speak to me right now. I have nothing to say to him.
He opens his mouth, but then closes it and says nothing.
Coward.
I storm past him, heading to the kitchen as if he wasn’t even there. As I round the corner, his makeshift bed comes into view. Blankets piled up on the couch, empty beer bottles and take-out containers scattered across the table tell me all I need to know.It’s only been a few days, but he has not been allowed back in bed, and he would rather sulk in his misery out here than in a guest room.
I grab a container of ice cream from the freezer and a bag of chips from the cupboard. When I turn around, I’m not surprised to find Carter behind me, a safe distance away. He stands beside the dining room table with his arms across his chest.
He looks so broken. Broken and Angry. My little-sister heart aches at the sight. I never want him to be in pain, but I can’t forgive everything he does just because I love him. Just like he can’t do the same for me.
He finally speaks, his voice quiet and gravelly. “How could you do that to me?”
My heart pulses, cracks, and shatters into thousands of tiny, little pieces.
I clutch the chips tighter in my grip. “I did it forme. It wasn’t about you.”
That’s the truth. I chased something that made me happy, made me feel good, and I didn’t care about the consequences.
He sniffs, and by the way he slightly shakes out his limbs, I know he’s biting his tongue. He’s trying not to react. He’s in too much trouble with everyone in his life already, and he’s doing his best not to make it worse.
“He’s my best friend and my teammate, Ariana. You knew that I didn’t want you fucking around with him.”
“Why not?” I ask.
He stares at me, disgusted. “Are you serious?”
“Yes,” I say, dropping my food onto the counter. “Why not?”
“Because when it ends in flames, which it clearly fucking did, my relationship with one of my closest friend would incinerate right alongside your relationship with him!” he yells, his jaw clenching. “You are the only person in thisworld—you and thatgirl down the hall, who is more important to me than they are—thanheis!”
I swallow, my eyes burning with tears that I refuse to let fall. “I can’t keep living my life to keep you happy, Carter.”
He glares at me, blinking as if he hadn’t expected that. “But you can live your life to make me miserable?”
“That wasn’t my intention,” I say quietly. “I liked him. He was kind to me. He…sawme. He thought I was smart, he found me interesting, and that slowly made me believe those things, too. His opinion was the only opinion that I wanted. His attention is the only attention that I sought.”
“Don’t,” he snaps, shaking his head and lifting a hand.
“I fell in love with him.” I keep going, and Carter winces. “And it might have actually worked out if the both of us weren’t so terrified of hurting you. If we weren’t so entirely consumed with how you’d feel about it. If you weren’t the entire backbone of why wecouldn’tfall in love, Carter.”
“Don’t use me as a fucking crutch,” he snaps. “Boston is never going to date you. He’s not going to marry you. He’s never going to be the father of your kids, Ari—because he doesn’twantthat. With anyone! So, you’re telling me it was still worth it at the end of day? That crying in bed for two weeks and destroying my relationship with him was worth having a bit of fun?”
It feels like a stab in my heart.A bit of fun.It wasn’t like that. It was so much more than that. Itmeantso much more than that.
“Yes. Now grow a pair and talk to your friend,” I snap. “Go ahead. Get mad at him for being the only man in the world to make me feel like I might want to spend my life with someone again. Punch him one more time for treating your sister with more respect thananyoneever has! Say the cruelest things to him because he brought me back to life.Go for it, Carter!”
