She pouts and Michael immediately puts a comforting hand on her shoulder, the way I want to put my hand on Eli’s shoulder.
No.
Shit.
“You’ll come for Christmas, though, right?” he asks me, always trying to help Mom look on the bright side.
Perfect distraction.
“Yeah, I’ll book my flight up from DC as soon as I can.”
“We can send the jet,” he says helpfully, but...
“That’s not necessary.” I shut that down fast. The last thing I need is to get on the fans shit list for using a private jet too often. It’s understandable to use it when it involves Hawk or Wolf—who’d get mobbed in an airport no matter how good their bodyguards are—and even when a good chunk of us fly out west, but me alone? That wouldn’t fly with the fans if they ever found out.
“The offer’s there if you have any issues getting a flight on time.” That amiable smile used to drive me insane when I first met Michael, now it just makes me feel like shit for that time.
He’s very simply, a good guy.
Yeah, he’s a pretty fierce businessman and has about a million enemies since he insists on having all his companies report the truth, but he really only wants to help out.
“I’ll let you know.” I nod in thanks then turn to Eli.
After an hour of thinking, I have the perfect words to get him talking, and maybe get us back to our easy banter faster.
“So, how’s the big new company going?” I don’t have to fake how impressed I am by him. “ECS is already a huge hit, right?” I hate myself for it but I clap his shoulder in a friendly move I’ve pulled on almost all my teammates throughout my life.
He ducks his head shyly, and I refuse to focus on that fucking precious—no. Not precious. It’s just a blush for fuck’s sake.
“I’m doing okay,” he mumbles.
“Please, you’re the big boss man now. Aren’t all those guys supposed to brag about themselves?” I tease.
He chuckles lightly, and when no one jumps in, he lets out an unsteady breath and finally looks up at me, that excitement that has my own heart rate spiking shining through his eyes.
“It’s going really great. My firewall and intrusion detection and prevention systems are holding steady for the five companies that have signed on. I also really like my team. It’s only ten people for now, but they’re great, and they help me keep everything going.”
“You’re too humble,” I grumble teasingly. “And you’re probably working too hard.” I raise one eyebrow pointedly, hoping he’ll... hell, I don’t know what I’m hoping.
“I’m really not.” He pulls away, flattening his back to the chair, his wide eyes looking scared for some reason. He turns to look at Michael then Lyla for only a second, then down at his empty plate. “It’s a lot of responsibility and I just want to do a good job.”
“An—Eli.” I cut myself off before I can say it. “There’s no way in hell you could ever do a bad job.”
“Just like you?” those blue laser beams strike right on their mark.
“There are plenty of ways I can fuck up on any given day. But overall, you’re right. If you look at the big picture, I’m not fucking up, not on the ice.” It feels like a dagger, to have to clarify, but I gotta. “And your magic software, or algorithm, or whatever it’s called, is too good to fail big time. That’s why all the big dogs want you to take them on as a client, right?”
For a moment, only we exist. It’s only us at the table, trying desperately to make each other see ourselves, but as always, our bubble pops.
“I couldn’t agree more,” Michael says, and though I can’t look away from Eli, I recognize that tone. I know the soft smile he has on his face.
“With both of you,” Mom adds. “Now, enough about business. Tell me how your father and Ally are really doing.” Mom probably talks to Dad more often than me, especially since I’ve been kind of avoiding him lately. There’s no way she doesn’t know exactly how they’re doing, but I understand why she wants to change the subject.
She wants Eli and me to let go of our worries, only wants to help, and I know she means well, but I’ve felt the grief of looking away from Eli around a million times, and it still hurts as if it were a fresh wound.
Thursday morning,we get to the airport, the whole team marches onto the charter like a hoard of zombies, and I make my way to the empty back of the plane where I’m less likely to catch anyone’s attention.
“See you at Christmas. I already have the perfect gift for you.”
