I don’t want to cry.
I know I don’tgetto cry over this, but the relief of seeing him here, of that fleeting glimpse of love, is enough to overpower my self-control.
My eyes fill while I breathe in deep to keep the tears from falling.
I know I can’t guarantee how this conversation will go. I can’t just assume he’ll forgive me and we’ll move on, but I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure my conversation with Tucker never gets out, that it never comes back to bite Lex in the ass.
“Where were you?” he asks, and his voice—clipped and serious—warns me that I need to get my shit together and fast. My mouth needs to work with me here and put out words that will fix this mess and not make it worse.
I can’t let this get worse, even though I already have.
Facing the sudden absence of warmth in him is too much already.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out quickly, and grip my fingers tight to stay in the moment, stay locked in. I let out a strong burst of air, knowing I might’ve gotten the first, most important thing out, but there’s still so much I have to say. “I know it was wrong of me to talk to Tu?—”
“Eli,” he snaps, and stands as my name echoes in the kitchen. Of course.. . we’re not alone.
I trust Sam.
I believe Lex trusts him too.
But this information is a burden, not a privilege.
I raise my palms in surrender, in understanding, and step forward. “Okay. What’s for lunch?” I pull out the stool next to his, sit down, then look at Lex until he seems to deflate and also takes a seat.
Sam turns and offers me a kind—if just a little forced—smile. “New York strips, asparagus, and mashed potatoes.”
“A classic for a reason,” I quip, desperate for some levity.
“Want me to put a plate together for you?”
I nod. “Please, and can you take some to Austin too? He’s been awake for too long.”
“You got it.”
I reach for the water jug and fill up a glass, while I mentally choose the right words to answer Lex’s question without saying anything I shouldn’t.
“I was up all night,” I start out, with a deliberate casualness. “There was an emergency at the office and I haven’t eaten in who knows how long.”
There, that’s a normal thing to say, right?
Lex won’t look at me, but I hear the concern in his voice when he asks, “Is everyone okay?”
“Yes,” I assure him. “It took a long time, but everything should be fine now.”
At least once I make some improvements to our firewall—the one that was already the best in the world. I mean, it did its job, I was notified the moment it was breached, and so was Carla at the office, and even though I still don’t know exactly how long that took Gotcha, I know it must’ve been a few hours at least, maybe half a day.
There’s always going to be a crack in the seal, though, and I need to find it and patch that fucker up.
That can all wait for now, though. I don’t see how Gotcha would risk it again anytime soon, but if he does, at least I know I can beat him.
Sam slides a full plate toward me, and after finishing up with the last pan, puts another plate together and leaves to take it to Austin.
I count to twenty, then risk it again.
“I’m sorry, Lex.”
He releases a heavy sigh. “I know you are.”
