“I’m gonna talk to Tucker, make sure no one ever finds out.” Even if I have to threaten the only other friend I have, that’s a small price to pay, I think?
Lex nods once but then shakes his head. “I need to be the one to talk to him.” He sounds so dejected, so absolutely done with it all, and I can’t blame him, but hope rises when he straightens and offers me a barely there smile. “You need to sleep, though, and once you’re rested, we can actually talk about this.”
“But—”
“No, Eli. There won’t be any more screaming matches. And for the record, I’m sorry for how I reacted last night, for shouting, for not giving you even a second to get a word in. I can promise now that I’ll do my best to never let that happen again, but we have to really talk about it, and we can’t do that when you’re about to fall on your face from exhaustion. So go up to your room and sleep, and I’ll clean up here.”
He lifts my plate and goes to the sink, and I... well, I owe him a rational, honest conversation where all my neurons are available, don’t I?
He’s not wrong.
So I nod.
I go to my room.
And though I doubt my capacity to shut my mind off and sleep...
Exhaustion wins.
19
Lex
Eli finds me in the common room on the third floor five hours later. I’ve been staring at the black screen of the TV for way too long, trying to make all the thoughts in my head fit together correctly.
Trying to find some way that Eli and I can move on from this, and I think I’ve come up with a few good ideas.
I’m not as smart as Eli. I’m not delusional enough to think I can ever come up with better solutions to practical problems, but the fact is that when it comes to emotions, I might be better equipped than he is.
Last night I didn’t act like it.
I think it’s because of what Lottie said, because Ihavealways thought of Eli as perfect, and that’s unfair in so many ways.
Now, though, with a clearer head and a better understanding of what I actually want to build with Eli, I think I’m ready to fight for it. Not fightwithEli, but for him. For us.
It’s late enough that we don’t have as much time as I’d like to talk this out. Our parents will be back soon and will expect us to have dinner with them. I don’t particularly want them to know about what Eli did or about our fight, so I’m hoping things can go back to something resembling normal between us before that.
Dad went to work with Mom as it turns out, and I really want to be able to enjoy it when they tell us whatever ridiculous shit happened during his visit to the Lyla Beauty offices.
Eli stops in the doorway, looking painfully unsure and unfairly adorable.
I shift to sit on my side so I can look right at him and rest my arm on the back of the couch invitingly.
“Did you sleep well?”
He nods. “I did, honestly. No clue how, but my brain was pretty fried, so you were right sending me to bed.”
I cringe at the wording.
“I’m sorry about that too. I didn’t mean to treat you like a kid, I don’t want to. I only want?—”
He waves that away.
“No, you were right, which is why I didn’t fight you on it. I guess you could see it as treating me like a kid, but I think of it as you caring.” He lets out a big breath and walks over slowly. “The fact that you still care is enough for me, or at least it was enough after lunch.”
I shake my head at his slight dramatics.
“Of course I care, angel.”
