Cullen looks at me like he’s disgusted I would ask such a question.
Then his expression crumbles.
His eyes widen slightly and his mouth parts, regret flashing across his face.
“Baby, no. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He stands from the couch and starts to pace, his hands locking behind his neck. His breathing picks up, his chest rising and falling too fast.
I walk over and stop him from wearing a path in the area rug, my hand coming up to cuff his throat. His eyes widen, tears clinging to his long, dark lashes.
“Breathe, babe.” It’s a command, not a request. Cullen has always responded better to blunt direction, sometimes needing me to take his choice away from him.
Cull takes a surprisingly deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“Good job. Another,” I order. He complies, taking a steady inhale. His pulse slows under my fingers, his body relaxing.
“I want you to repeat after me.” He nods, a rogue tear falling from his lashes. I look deep into his eyes when I speak. “I am not weak.”
“I-I’m not weak.” His voice is shaky, but his hands are steady when they grasp my hips. He’s grounding himself, which helps to anchor me. I like being Cullen’s strength for once—something I’ve longed to be for so long.
“Tell me you’re strong. Thatweare strong.”
“I’m strong,” he repeats, blowing out another breath. “We are strong.”
“Yes. We are. Now…” An idea sparks, wanting to make him smile. “Call me your pumpernickel loaf.”
“You’re my pumper—what?” He searches my face, then bursts out laughing, the nickname he gave me all those years ago coming back to life.
“The last time I called you that, we were fifteen, and I tried to embarrass you in front of Leah Lancaster on that field trip to the aquarium.” He laughs harder. “Guess I read that situation wrong.”
My hand is still resting at the base of his throat, but I tighten it again, a gleam sparking to life in Cullen’s emerald green eyes.
“Oh, you embarrassed me, alright. I had a small crush on Aaron Eakers, who overheard you call me that. It became part of his vocab anytime I was around him.”
Cullen frowns. “You had other crushes besides me?”
I smirk. His jealousy is cute.
“Jealous, babe?”
“A little,” he grumbles, looking away.
I force him to look at me, my hand going right back to cuffing his neck. “You’re the only one I’ve ever loved.”
That pulls a smile out of him. He leans in to kiss me, but I squeeze his throat, stopping him.
“Are you okay? You’ve not been yourself lately.”
He sighs, his hands falling away from my hips. I drop my hand from his neck and follow him to sit on the couch.
“I don’t know what I am,” he finally admits. “It was stupid to go to Mason’s house alone, but I’m so tired of everyone letting you down. I wanted—neededto do something.”
I straddle his lap again, brushing my lips against his. “No one has let me down, Cull.”
He scoffs, his eyes focusing out the living room window.
I don’t force him to look at me, just start talking. “I feel like I letyoudown. Like I let my parents and Hadley down. That’s something I’m still struggling with. It’s something that may take more time for me to deal with, but I am working on it.”
He finally meets my eyes, his looking so sad.
