My footsteps falter, and I glance back at him again.
His deeply furrowed brow draws low over his confused gaze. “Connor, I haven’t slept since the day Willow got back. Not really. And it only got worse after the attack on the homestead…”
Hell.
I never wanted to have this conversation with him. Never wanted to get into all the specifics of how that night changed everything. But there’s nowhere to go, nowhere to hide from him at this point.
Even if I wanted to put more distance between us, I’m too exhausted, my body too drained, and he didn’t just hike six hours down the mountain right before this, so he could catch up with me easily.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
His heavy footsteps thud against the forest floor as we continue to weave our way through the heavy foliage. “Because, just like you, I don’t like how things were left with the Lorells. I knew they still posed a threat and always would. I knew we were loose ends. I knew it was only a matter of time before they came back.”
“So…does that mean you’re not pissed at Raven for doing the story?”
I peek over my shoulder at him, and he flicks his gaze up to meet mine.
“I understand why she did it, but I just wish she would’ve told us, hadn’t kept it a secret. We could have done it the right way instead of…this. You really scared us the last couple of weeks. Willow’s been losing her fucking mind since Raven disappeared.”
I wince. “I’m sorry. I just thought it was better that way. If I told anyone where we were going?—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. But what I don’t get is why you brought her up here in the first place. Why didn’t you just come to me and Liam? We could’ve brought her somewhere else, out of town, come up with a plan that didn’t involve making all of us think Raven was kidnapped or worse.”
Hell.
I wish I had an answer to that.
Some answer to give him besides the one that’s true.
“I don’t know. I acted on instinct.”
“Instinct to protect Raven Perry?”
The disbelief and question in his voice are the same I’ve had for weeks.
Why the fuck did I care so much?
In the beginning, I had tried to convince myself it was because she was Willow’s best friend, because Willow would lose her mind if anything happened to her, but the truth is, I’ve always looked out for Raven.
Even when she didn’t realize it.
And it started long before that night I turned her down and inadvertently turned her into my enemy.
Raven was always so stuck in her own head. Always writing stories. Always lost in her imagination. Never paying attention to the world around her, or the dangers that lurk there.
It always felt like she needed protection, someone to have her back, even though she has no problem standing her ground and starting arguments. She’s not physically capable of ending them, and that’s what scares me so much about her being alone up there.
But I’m at a loss as to how to explain any of it to Killian.
“Raven and I have come to an understanding.”
It’s the only thing I can think to tell him to get him off my case.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means…”
I release a heavy sigh and pause for a second, letting him catch up. He pulls out his canteen, takes a swig, and hands it out to me and I reluctantly take two long pulls from it before I hand it back.
