Biding his time for the perfect moment to let it rip.
Peeking up, I catch his hand moving smoothly over Giz’s little head, and the dog’s eyes close as he relaxes in his hold.
If only it were so easy for me to find that kind of calm, that kind of relaxation, comfort at a simple touch from another human being instead of instantly flinching away from it.
Liam drums the fingers of his free hand on his desk loudly, forcing me to look up fully and finally meet his gaze. He raises a reddish brow in that way that says a thousand words without uttering even one. "An entire week? Really?"
I cringe, fisting my hands on the top of my desk as the last week spent on the mountain alone flashes through my head.
The drinking.
The physical pain and emotional turmoil.
The nightmares.
The tears and frustration.
All of it rushes back with agonizing clarity.
None of it is anything I want the people in my life to witness, least of all my brothers.
My chest tightens violently, and I struggle to draw in enough air to respond. The only time I seem to be able to catch my breath is up there, and now that I’m back down here, I remember why I left. "I don't know what you want me to say…"
"I don't know.” Liam shrugs. “How about I'm sorry that I made you guys worry and think I was dead on the mountain? Or I know I should have told you guys where I was going? Or I should have taken the satellite phone with me?” His brows rise. “Do you want me to keep going? Because there are a lot of things I could say right now."
I grit my teeth, trying not to lash out at Liam when I know he means well. When not that long ago, we were in the opposite positions, and he was the one we were all desperately trying to get through to, to no avail.
It was only when the blue-haired girl and that damn dog showed up that Liam finally had a breakthrough in dealing with the storm of feelings he was trapped in regarding what he learned about his parents.
He doesn’t want me to go down that same road. He doesn’t want me to pass the point of no return, which I have been dangerously close to lately. I shouldn’t be mad at him for that, annoyed that he cares.
It’s what Mom raised us to do—always protect each other and the mountain.
I squeeze my eyes closed and lean back in the chair, dropping my head against the headrest. "I'm sorry, okay? It was never my intention to make anyone worry. I just needed…”
To be able to breathe.
To be able to think.
To get away from the place where it all happened.
To get away from all the people who looked at me differently now.
“Time and space."
Liam’s statement makes me lift my head and open my eyes, and all I see shimmering in his gaze is empathy.
I nod.
"I get it, Connor. Really." He releases a sardonic laugh. "I, of all people, get it more than anyone, but that's exactly why I'm worried more than anyone else is, too, because I was exactly where you're at and I know what a dangerous place it is to be."
The only thing dangerous is me.
My inability to get a grip on my own emotions makes me explosive in a way that even I can see isn’t healthy for anyone else to be around.
All I can see every time I look at Liam is the blood pouring out of his gunshot wound, how pale his face was that night, how close he was to dying if I had arrived even seconds later. Goosebumps break out over my skin and a shiver rolls through me as I see Lorell on top of him with that knife to his throat, as I remember the feel of the axe in my hand as I drove it down into his back…
I try to fight the shudder, but it comes anyway.
