“I know,” I lied.
“Good,” Cash said. “You’re happier now that you’re getting dicked down.”
I felt the heat flooding my face. “Jesus, Cash.”
“What? It’s true. And he’s hot.” He grinned at me. “Solid too. Like he could pick you up and carry you without even breaking a sweat.”
“Yeah, he can, and it’s freaking awesome,” I said, thinking of the way Lee could heft me up onto a counter like I was a sack of flour or hold me up against a wall and fuck me. I took my beer back. “I didn’t know you thought anyone was hot.”
Cash shrugged. “I can think someone’s hot without wanting to do stuff. Like, aesthetically.”
“Aesthetically,” I echoed with a snort. “You’ve been reading books with long words in them again.”
“Shut up.” He laughed softly, but it was true what Lee had joked about earlier. Cash was the smart twin. He was always reading all kinds of books, and he loved watching TV shows about science and history and shit like that. He’d raided Avery’s bookshelf plenty of times. And at work when he wore his earbuds, he didn’t even listen to music. It was all audiobooks. His brain was like a sponge. It made me sad sometimes to think about what he might have achieved if he’d had the chance to go to college or whatever. As it was, we hadn’t even graduated high school. But we’d made it out of there, which wasn’t nothing.
We sat out there for a while longer, passing the beer back and forth because we were both too lazy to grab another one, and Cash leaned his head on my shoulder and relaxed against me.The weight was familiar and grounding, and the disquiet in me slowly settled. Still there, but not as loud.
A punch to the face wasn’t how I’d have chosen to introduce Lee and Cash, but they’d both gotten past it. And now that I’d had some time to calm down, I kind of liked the idea that Lee had wanted to fool around some more. But most importantly, he hadn’t acted like Cash was some kind of weirdo or there was something wrong with him for reacting the way he did.
“You ever think what would have happened if you’d said no to Danny that night?” Cash asked me.
Every fucking day.
I swallowed. “Yeah.”
“It’s okay to trust people sometimes.”
“I know.” Except I hadn’t trusted Danny that night. I hadn’t trusted him for weeks. He’d just been slightly less terrifying than the dumpster rats, plus Cash had been sick. If he hadn’t been and I hadn’t been desperate, who knew where we would have ended up? Nowhere good probably. Hell, we hadn’t even had any place in mind when we’d run away. Just anywhere that wasn’t that fucking house.
Theawayhad been the important bit.
I drew a deep breath. “Stop giving me idiot pep talks.” I read his expression. “They’re pep talks, but for idiots. Like you can’t just come out and say that I have trust issues, like I don’t already know that. You gotta coax me into it by reminding me that one time I trusted Danny, and it all worked out great, and hope that I know you’re really talking about Lee.”
“Well, in fairness, you are an idiot,” Cash said.
“Asshole.”
He grinned. “I know.”
My shitty phone buzzed with an incoming message, and I pulled it out and checked the cracked screen. It was from Lee.
Hey, tell Cash I’m sorry again. And Sam wants to know if you guys and Wilder and Gracie can come to her birthday party next weekend?
My eyebrows must have shot all the way up to my hairline because Cash grabbed my phone and read the message.
“Nuh-uh,” he said. “You should go, though.”
He typed out a message and hit send before I had a chance to stop him.
Cash says no.
“Asshole,” I said and hurriedly typed out another message under that one.
I’ll come, and I’ll check with Wilder and Gracie. Cash says he’ll forgive you if you make him more biko.
“Asshole!” Cash elbowed me hard. “It was gross!”
“It was awesome,” I said, “and you’re outvoted.” Then my stomach clenched as the thought hit me. “What the fuck am I supposed to get Sam for a present?”
