I thought he wouldn’t have an answer for that, but Cash just lifted his chin and said, “He’s not here now, Chase. And maybe you should stop acting like he is.”
“That’s rich, coming from the guy who was hiding in the closet!”
Another flinch, but he rallied. “And that’s rich too, coming from the guy who says he doesn’t blame me.”
I wasn’t sure when I’d started crying, but my eyes were burning and my face was wet, and I hated myself.
“I don’tneedyou,” Cash said, and the shock at hearing those words come out of his mouth must have shown on my face because his eyes widened too. “I mean, I don’t need you to be here every second of the day just because I’m fucked up. Because that’s my problem, not yours. Because guess what? You’re just as fucked up as I am, just in a different way. At least I’mtryingto get better.”
“You don’t eventalk!”
“I’m talking now,” he said. “I talk when it matters. And this matters.Youmatter. I don’t give a fuck about Lee. I don’t even know that guy. But I don’t want to be the reason that you’re too scared to try to be normal.”
I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t scared, but that was a lie. I’d been scared my whole life, just like him, just in a different way.
“Don’t let Dad win,” Cash said. He was crying too. “Please.”
But he didn’t get it. I was winning by keeping Cash safe. “I’m not letting him win,” I said. “I never would. This thing with Lee is…” I shook my head.
“Is what?” Cash asked.
“I keep telling everyone. I fucking promise, Cash, it’s no big deal! We were screwing around and now we’re not, and everyone’s treating it like it’s some big tragedy, but it’s not! It’snot!”
And then I stalked out of there before he called me out on my lie.
CHAPTER 16
LEE
“Are you going to bed, hon?” Mom asked, leaning in the doorway of the living room where I was staring at the television.
“Yeah, I was just…” I waved at the television.
“Just watching the blank screen?” she asked me.
Pretty much.
It had been a shit day, and I didn’t have the energy to reach for the remote control. I also didn’t feel like watching anything, so that was fine. But I stretched and forced myself back into the land of the living. “Did Sam go upstairs already?”
“It’s a school night,” Mom said. “So, yeah, she’s pretending to be asleep when actually she’ll be messaging her friends until two or three in the morning, and then she’ll wonder why she’s so tired tomorrow.”
I snorted out a laugh, because that sounded about right.
“You okay, Lee?” Mom asked.
“Eh.” Which I guessed answered that. At least my hangover wasn’t kicking my ass anymore.
I’d just levered myself out of my chair when the sound of a dirt bike cut through the quiet, coming to a stop in the driveway.Mom and I exchanged a look. A minute later someone knocked on the door, a quiet tapping.
I went with my mom to open it because it was pretty late.
She swung the door open an inch and peered out past the safety chain. “Chase?”
My heart caught in my throat, and a thousand different scenarios flashed through my mind, encompassing Chase coming here to beg to get back together to Chase coming here to punch me in the face for some reason and everything in between.
Mom closed the door and took the chain off, then opened it fully.
But it wasn’t Chase standing there illuminated by the porch light. His mouth was pinched into an anxious line, and his shoulders were hunched like he was trying to disappear into the space between them. But even knowing that Chase had a twin, it still took me a second to figure it out.
