Shane blew out a long breath. He gave the dark quad another desperate look, like he was still hoping something would distract him from an acquaintance havingemotionsall over him.
“I don’t know,” Shane said stiffly. “Felix is always going on about how nice you are. You know? But you’re not, like, nice. You’re just polite. It’s notbad, it's just all surface level. You don’t really bother with anyone who isn’t Felix.”
Shane fell silent. Jacob stared at him, his ears ringing. He’d been told his whole life that he wasnice—far too nice to be hanging out with someone like Felix. But Shane’s words fell into place deep inside him, making that icy realization creep up even further.
He didn’t bother with anyone. Didn’t really care about them, didn’t make any other friends.
Except Felix.
“Anyway,” Shane said uncomfortably. “Uh. You sure you’re good?”
Jacob nodded numbly. Then he turned and walked toward Felix’s dorm as fast as he could.
By the time he hit Felix’s hallway, he was jogging. Also sweating like a pig, but thankfully not crying. The realization from before was still trying to rise, but he was wrestling it back. If he waslucky, he’d sleep it off and when he woke it would be safely back in the recesses of his mind where it belonged.
He arrived in front of Felix’s door, panting hard. The hallway was so quiet he could hear muffled groans drifting through the door. Every sound made him want to die, the truth rising dangerously close to the surface.
He knocked.
The moans stopped. Hec said something, his voice low and hissed.
The door opened. Felix was shirtless, squinting into the dark hallway with annoyance. Then he saw Jacob and his eyes widened.
“Uhhhh,” Felix said. “Hi?”
“Hi,” Jacob said, his eyes fixed determinedly on Felix’s face. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
Felix stared at him. He glanced down at himself, then back in the room where Hec had to be lying on his bed, half unclothed, maybefullyunclothed, waiting for Felix to come back.
Felix’s jaw worked. “I’m kind of busy here, man.”
“Right,” Jacob said, his stomach collapsing in on itself. “Sure. Tomorrow?”
Felix gave Jacob a strange look, and Jacob wanted to find Shane and shake him for putting this idea into his head.He’d leave that guy so fast. Obviously not, Shane fucking Turner. Thanks for the help.
“Sure,” Felix said after a moment. He started closing the door.
“Mess,” Jacob said.
Felix peeked out again.
Jacob wanted to say a million things. Unfortunately, he had no idea what most of them were.
“Be safe,” he croaked.
Felix rolled his eyes. Not dismissively, like Jacob expected. He looked… disappointed?
“Yeah, man,” Felix muttered. “Got it. Bye.”
His hands were chapped. Jacob’s hand snaked into his pocket to touch Felix’s hand cream just as the door slammed shut in his face.
He tried to be frustrated that Felix wasn’t using the hand cream on his nightstand. Anger was familiar. Comfortable.Especiallywhen it came to Felix. But that realization was rising up again, and nothing could beat it back down this time.
Jacob walked back out to the dark quad and lay down. It was a very uncharacteristic move. Jacob was the sensible one. Uptight, some would say.Repressed, Felix would add. He was not one to walk into the night and lie down in the quad, trembling from head to toe.
Or maybe he was. Maybe Jacob didn’t know himself as well as he thought. Maybe there was a bunch of shit he’d been shoving down and refusing to acknowledge, and now it was all bursting out.
He was in love with Felix.
