“I’m coming to your dorm,” he told Felix as he fell into step beside him.
Felix shrugged. “Whatever.”
He’d never been distant like this. Jacob only just now realized it as they headed for Felix’s dorm: it was usually Felix being loud and clingy, and Jacob shoving him away. Did Jacob ever make him feel like this? He hoped not. He didn’t mean to push Felix away, that was just how their dynamic was. Right?
Felix would get close. Jacob would push him back. Now he knew why: he wanted to pull him so much closer, and he couldn’t stand it.
Jacob walked straight into Felix’s dorm and picked up the hand cream on the nightstand.
“Now youhaveto use this,” Jacob said. “You can use it on your good hand when you put on your burn cream. No way you can forget that.”
He took the burn cream from Felix and set it next to the hand cream. Then he popped the hand cream lid and scooped out a dollop, forcing himself not to hesitate as he took Felix’s hand.
Felix let him. They stood there in silence as Jacob smeared the hand cream onto his good hand until the whole dorm smelled of aloe.
“Sorry I’m being a bitch,” Felix said. “I’ll get over it.”
Jacob frowned. That didn’t sound like Felix. Felix neveradmittedwhen he was in a bad mood. He just made some excuse to leave until he was okay to be around. Or he hid it, which Jacob hated.
“You’re not being a bitch,” Jacob said. “I should’ve told you before. I just… I don’t know. I thought things would be different by now. ThatI’dbe different. More relaxed or whatever.”
Felix laughed. “You?”
“I know,” Jacob muttered.
He rubbed the cream into the webbing between Felix’s fingers, waiting for Felix to tease him. Get them back on familiar ground. But Felix just stood there, letting Jacob massage his dry skin.
“Do you remember,” Felix said finally, “when I got that really bad fever in middle school? And you came over and fed me soup because my parents wouldn’t take time off work?”
“Yes,” Jacob said, annoyed. “What kind of parents don’t take time off work when their kid is sick?”
“Anyone with a kid over the age of eight, dude,” Felix replied. “Your parents coddled the fuck out of you.”
Jacob didn’t deny it. And yes, sometimes his parents’ constant supervision was stifling. But while his parents were too vigilant, Felix’s parents were downright lazy. Felix had been twelve and unable to get out of bed. What else was Jacob supposed to do but ditch school to stay with him?
“You got in so much trouble,” Felix mumbled. “Little rebel. Anyway, that was the first time I wanted to kiss you.”
It felt like a punch. Jacob’s mind whirled. Felix wanted to kiss him back then? Did that mean something, or was that just two codependent queer kids stuck with no other options?
“Probably good you didn’t,” Jacob managed. “You would’ve gotten me sick.”
After a moment, Felix laughed. “Right.”
There was no cream left to rub in. But Jacob kept going. If he kept doing this, he could pretend it wasn’t because he wanted to touch him.
“I’m not sick now,” Felix said suddenly.
Jacob looked up at him, horrible hope flaring in his heart. “What?”
Felix shoved him back against the bed and climbed on top of him. Jacob let him, not even remembering to warn him to go easy on his bandaged hand as Felix leaned in.
But he didn’t kiss him. He just ghosted his lips over Jacob’s, breathing hard. “We have a lot left on your list,” he announced.
Jacob tore his gaze from Felix’s lips to stare at him in surprise. “What? Oh,shit…”
He trailed off in a moan as Felix ran his good hand over his crotch, gripping his hardening length.
“You still haven’t fucked me,” Felix said. “Don’t you think it’s about time we fix that?”
