I lose control of my facial expression as my eyes widen in shock, my jaw snapping shut. That would makemethe sugar daddy. He doesn’t mean it literally, but heat creeps up my neck as I think he’s not exactlywrong,either.Fucking hell. That wasnotwhat I was intending when I decided to do this, but now I can’t unsee it.
“Okay, so let them think that if it makes them feel better,” I say, running my hand along my neck with a wince. “But I want to do this for you. I know you’ve had a tough time coming back here, and this is something I can do to make it better.”
Luke lets out a disgruntled laugh and turns on his heel, scraping a hand through his hair. He looks agitated, almost like he might flee on foot to escape this. Then he suddenly drops his head and grabs at the back of his neck with both hands, letting out a guttural cry of frustration. It’s raw and unfettered.
“Luke…” I frown, stepping forward with my hand out, but then I stop and stay back. I’m afraid I’ll only make this worse if I touch him.
“No one’s that good, Ethan!” He practically screams it at me as he whirls around again, aggressively pressing his palms against his eyes. That’s when I see he’s crying. Frustratedly so.
Fuck me.I wasn’t expecting Luke to be this upset. I thought he would be more excited about it. Now I think this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe if I hadn’t bought such anewtruck, he wouldn't be so uncomfortable accepting it. Somehow, I think hewould have reacted this way toanythingI gave him, no matter how I presented it.
I’m starting to catch on that Luke isn’t comfortable accepting help from others. Every time I’ve stepped in without him asking, he’s reacted with irritation, and here I’ve gone and done something absolutely massive in his perspective, even though it’s inconsequential from mine. He also seems distrustful of the motivations behind it, and I can’t discount his feelings. He doesn’t know me well enough yet to understand that this isn’t unusual for me, and I guess I don’t know him well enough to know what he wants or needs. Clearly, I’m crossing some kind of line.
Sometimes, I forget that the concept of money has forever changed my brain chemistry. It’s harder to judge when I’ve overdone something since I’ve lost touch with the real world when it comes to spending money.
When I was a kid, I couldn’t fathom how much a million dollars was. It was just this big number that seemed so far out of reach. Then I won that jackpot, and my take-home was about $50 million. And I thoughtone millionwas big. After buying my house, my mom’s condo, a shit ton of books, and anything else a twenty-two-year-old could have wanted, I never even made a dent. I still had a bank balance far larger than I knew what to do with.
So, I invested a significant portion of the winnings because that was the advice given to me, and now the balance hasincreasedto over $300 million in the thirteen years I’ve had it.
The rich get richer without even having to lift a finger.
Still, I’ve spent so much on my friends without them ever realizing it. And I’ve never once asked for anything in return. The way I see it, I have all this money and only one lifetime to spend it in, so why should I be frugal? The problem is, I have to remember I’m the only one who knows that.
God, things would be so much easier if I came clean, but I’m hesitant to let it out. As much as I’m willing to spend the money, I don’t want people to look at me and only see what I can give them. I’m terrified that if I do, it’ll stop being Ethan for Ethan’s sake and turn into Ethan for Ethan’s money.
With a sigh, I turn to look at the new truck, dragging a hand down my face.
“Okay,” I say. “If you don’t want to take it, then I won’t force you to. But I’m not going to sell it, either. So, it’ll be here if you change your mind.”
“Jesus Christ. You’re such a fucking idiot,” Luke scolds, holding his head in the palm of his hand. Then he suddenly starts laughing—it’s a little unhinged. “How have you survived this long making these kinds of stupid financial decisions?”
“My dashing good looks?” I shrug, and he scoffs.
Groaning, he turns to look at the truck, frowning and shaking his head. He hugs his arms across his chest like it’s the only thing holding him together. “Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Fine.”
“Does this mean…youaretaking the truck?” I frown.
“It’s your life, Ethan. You get to be as stupidly generous as you want, and I have no room to judge. But I’d be an idiot to look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“Why does that sound like a backhanded compliment?” I laugh.
“Are you absolutely certain you won’t regret this?” Luke frowns, giving me a wary look. “You’re not going to come banging on my door demanding the keys back or ask for some ridiculous favor in return? Because if this is some ploy to get something out of me later, I don’t want it.”
“No, Luke. I’m serious.” I smile, shaking my head. “No strings attached. I’ll forget it happened after you drive away, and wenever have to talk about it again. I promise. You don’t even need to tell anyone it came from me. Actually, probably best if you don’t.”
Luke releases a shuddering sigh, letting his arms drop to his sides. He looks at his new truck with disbelief, his jaw clenching slightly, fresh tears in his eyes.
“Can I hug you?” he asks suddenly, his expression a little vulnerable.
It’s utterly unexpected after he was so prickly about all this, but I can’t help smiling. I nod.
Luke doesn’t hesitate. Crossing the short distance between us, he practically slams his body into mine, knocking me off balance. He wraps his arms around my shoulders, squeezing so tightly that I let out a little gasp. But I laugh and wrap my arms around him, holding him just as firmly. I can feel every word he’s not saying in this hug, every ounce of gratitude pouring out of him like a sieve. His tension melts away as he drops his head on my shoulder, and I revel in the unexpected closeness, my face warming. I take in every sensation I can while this lasts.
His frame is so small compared to mine that I can completely envelop him in my arms, and it feels like two puzzle pieces coming together to make a whole. The muscles of his back flex beneath my fingers, and I can’t help but brush my thumb across them absently as he lets out a shaky breath, squeezing me tighter. Impossibly, he smells like fresh spring, a mix of sweet, subtle florals and woody musk, and I could easily get lost in his scent. It’s like I’m lying in the grass, basking in the sun of the first warm days since winter, when life returns to everything.
