“You shouldn’t spend your money on me,” I protest, suddenly panicking. Fucking hell. Is that his only savings account? I’m not worth spending his last dime on. “I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
“Why not?” Luke frowns.
I freeze. I don’t know how to explain this in a way that makes sense. Luke doesn’t know I have enough money to last ten lifetimes, and trying to express how shitty I feel about letting someone spend their hard-earned cash on me is nigh impossible without spilling the beans. I was too hung up on the romance ofit all last night to really think about the cost, but now all I can imagine is Luke putting himself in debt, trying to sweep me off my feet, and I don’t like it.
“It’s just money, Ethan.” Luke shrugs nonchalantly. “It comes, it goes, and there’ll always be more of it. I’m not so hard up that I can’t occasionally do nice things for my boyfriend. Just don’t expect this every week or anything.”
“I feel bad knowing that I probably have more money than you,” I say. It’s the truth, but it doesn’t give the full scope.
“That’s a shitty flex.” Luke scoffs, and I realize how that came across too late.Fuck,I’m no good at this.
“I didn’t mean… Look, I’m not bothered by the money,” I insist. “I just don’t want you to put yourself in a bad spot for me. I loved everything about yesterday, but I’d be happier if you let me pay for it.”
“I appreciate your concern for my financial stability, as intrusive as it may be,” Luke says tensely. “But how about you don’t get to dictate what I do with my money, and I don’t get to dictate what you do with yours. Does that seem reasonable?”
I groan to myself, staring through the passenger window. Itdoessound reasonable to say ‘to each his own,’ but it doesn’t change how I feel. Shitty. How can I not? Being burdened with the moral complexity of whether it’s right to let my insistent, hard-pressed-for-cash boyfriend spend what little he has on me when I’m sitting pretty on millions of untouched dollars is not fun. And yet, coming clean about it would open a can of worms I’m not prepared to handle.
“It’s not a big deal, Ethan,” Luke says. “I can take care of myself.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“Then what?”
“I’d feel better if you let me share in the expenses with any big, grand sweeping gestures from now on. I don’t like the idea of you paying for it all.”
“Is this some macho mentality you picked up when you thought you were straight?” Luke frowns. “Do you get this uncomfortable when women offer to pay for you, too?”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Luke. That’s absolutely unfair.”
“Then why does this bother you so much?”
‘Because I don’t want you to hate me if you find out that I’m secretly rich as fuck and think that I was taking advantage of you…’is what I want to say. Instead, I settle for the first lie that comes to mind.
“Because I feel like a burden!” I snap.
Only, as soon as the words leave my mouth, I freeze, startled to realize… well, it isn’t exactly a lie. Idofeel that way sometimes, but I didn’t mean to blurt out something so visceral and honest, especially in this context. Now that it’s out in the open, I’m mortified.
When Luke turns and looks at me, I’m shocked to see a disbelieving grin slowly growing on his face before he suddenly bursts into full-bodied laughter. I can only stare at him.
“I’m sorry,” Luke wheezes. “I’m sorry! I don’t mean to laugh. I just… The fuckingirony. Dude!”
When he looks back and finds I’m still staring at him, Luke doubles down, his laughter only increasing. With every glance at my face, and the shock written all over it, he loses every inch of composure he tries to regain.
He’s crazy. My boyfriend has utterly lost his mind.
“Ethan,” he groans. “How the fuck do you think I feel when you go out of your way to do massive shit like this for me?” he finally chokes out.
“Likewhat?” What the hell am I missing here?
“This!” He gestures aggressively at the truck again. “And everything else you’ve done for me since the first fucking day we met. That’s exactly how I feltevery time. I’m not comfy with people fussing over me either, but that never stopped you from stepping in and acting like a knight in shining armor.”
“This isn’t the same thing,” I protest. I mean, it’s really not! But I guess it’s hard to say that when I keep choosing not to tell Luke the truth. Still, I can’t help but smile at how much levity he’s getting from this moment, even if it is at my expense. “It’s not even close.”
“Bull-fucking-shit,” Luke teases. “You’re getting a taste of your own medicine. How’s it feel having someone force-feed you affection?”
“I never force-fed you anything. I like helping people! Why is that a bad thing?”
“It’s not. I just find it funny that for a person who thrives on doing good things for other people, you don’t like it when the roles are reversed.”
