I shake my head and try to smile. “Nothing important,” I reply, cursing myself for not being better at hiding emotion from my face.
“Are you worried because I want to go back to New York?”
“Worried might be too strong a word,” I mutter. “It’s not like I didn’t know you’d prefer to be there, but I guess I never really thought about what that might look like. Of course, you have to do what’s best for you, and I wouldn’t blame you. I just don’t know where that leaves me.”
“You could always come with me.” Luke chuckles, half-joking, half-serious by the gleam of hope in his eyes.
“Me? In New York?” I laugh, but my heart jolts at the thought, my anxiety spiking. “I don’t think I’d survive there. That city is massive.”
“But you seem fine here.” Luke gestures to the street outside the restaurant. “New York isn’t that different.”
“It’s ten times bigger and much more crowded than Detroit. We barely bumped into anyone walking down the street here. Can you say that about New York?”
Luke frowns, looking away. He knows I’m right.
Yes, moving to New York would be the most logical progression if that’s where Luke winds up going and I want us to stay together. Apart from my friends, I have nothing tying me to this place, demanding I stay. My mom’s in Florida, I have no other family here, and money would never be an issue. But if I panic at the mere thought of moving to the city, how the hell could I ever expect myself tolivethere?
I’m on the verge of a panic attack as it is just thinking about how all this might end before it ever really began.
Luke moves his plate to the side and reaches across the table again. I hesitate, my brain warning me to flee from the inevitable heartbreak. My heart overrides the command. As I take his hand, it’s like signing my own death warrant, but I’m not strong enough to walk away from him before I can truly get hurt. No matter how this goes, I’m doomed to suffer through to the bitter end.
“Don’t worry about it too much. It’s not like I’m trying to go back tomorrow.” Luke shakes his head. “And we don’t know what the future holds, so it’s not worth dwelling on right now anyway. Okay?”
“Yeah, I know.” I shrug.Lies.Of course, I’m going to dwell on it. How can I not? But for Luke’s sake, I can pretend.
When Luke smiles at me, my heart melts like butter.
“I don’t want this to end either,” he says, speaking aloud the fear I didn’t want to voice. “So, whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together. Okay?”
The look in Luke’s eyes feels like a promise, something to cling to, and I know he means every word. At the very least, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the sentiment.
“Okay.” I sigh, and somehow, my anxiety has lessened. I don’t know how he does that.
Satisfied with the turn of conversation, Luke starts eating his lemon berry French toast and lets out a little moan of pleasure that has me laughing, but I’m quickly put in my place as I take a bite of my food and experience the same euphoric reaction. I didn’t think avocado toast could get any better, but this still blows me away. That shit’s practically gourmet, the way the individual flavors of the egg, pickled vegetables, and roasted tomatoes complement each other.Perfection.
As we eat, Luke and I chat and laugh as freely as ever until I can almost pretend our earlier conversation never happened. My lingering worries can be dealt with later, and I’m determined not to ruin the best date of my life with unseemly fears. Luke’s right. We can’t tell what the future holds, and who knows? Maybe there’s a real possibility out there where he’ll decide to stay here with me instead. That wouldn’t be so bad, right?
As the urban sprawl slowly shifts to greener country on the drive home, I do some mental math.
When the check came at brunch, Luke snatched it yet again, handing over his card without a glance at the total. It’s the kind of shit I would do, but then I’m the one with a practically unlimited surplus of money. Luke is not. Add to that the nearly$400 hotel bill (bougie doesn’t come cheap), the DSO tickets, and the parking fees, and I’m starting to think that this date cost more than Luke should have reasonably spent. Not to mention all that alcohol…
Guilt creeps in. I should have insisted on paying for everything, no matter how hard Luke protested. When I ask him if I can at least split the total, he just laughs.
“Where did you get the money to pay for this?” I frown. “I thought you were broke. No offense.”
“No, that’s fair. And partially true. But I really wanted to do this for you.” He shrugs.
“You know you don’t have to be all chivalrous about it.”
“Consider it a thank you.”
“For what?”
Luke fidgets with the steering wheel, his cheeks flushing pink. “Well…this.” He gestures to the truck around us. “I know you told me you didn’t want anything in return, but I wanted to repay you somehow.”
“Luke….”
“No, don’t feel bad,” Luke states quickly. “I obviously can’t give you the money for this, and I’m not even going to try. But I had some funds stashed to buy a car I suddenly didn’t need, so I figured I’d use it on us instead. Things we can enjoy together.”
