Luke doesn’t take long to begin his instruction, guiding my free hand down between his legs, showing me exactly what he wants, what he needs. I do as he directs until it feels natural enough that he lets me take over. He’s highly receptive to my touch, unable to quell the whimper of pleasure that rocks through him the moment I slip a lubed finger inside, andfuck, does that feel good for me, too. True to his word, he lets me set the pace, but he’s not afraid to tell me what he likes as I proceed.
There’s a lot of verbal direction between his soft moans and breathy sighs as I massage the tight heat of him, gently stretching him open and feeling how he moves against my hand with unrestrained need. When he can’t get what he wants out in words, he still encourages me further as he lets out sharp gasps of pleasure that have his body shuddering. He lets his face do all the talking, and I’m fucking obsessed with the way it moves through various shades of passion.
He tips his head back with a particularly loud moan, his lips parted, and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. I feel myself being pulled into that space, my lips pressing to his throat, and he arches his back at the exact moment I hit a sweet spot that has him crying out with a rasp of pleasure. His hard cock throbs with neglect between us, a bead of pre-cum leaking from the tip. Seeing how his body responds to me sends an uncontrollableheat through my core. I’m the hardest I’ve ever been, watching him unravel.
When Luke looks up at me next through heavy-lidded eyes, he nods that he’s ready, and that’s my cue. He shudders slightly as I slide my fingers out of him, but waits in anticipation as I get myself situated with the condom. He sighs with an insatiable hunger as he watches me coat my thick length with the lube, and it’s hard to ignore his eagerness as his fingers desperately claw against my skin with want.
When I’m ready, I position myself against his entrance, and he eagerly wraps his strong thighs around me. I marvel at how the toned muscle feels in my grasp as I brush my hands along them. Luke’s eyes never leave mine as I push forward only slightly, but it’s enough to make us both moan in unison. He accepts me easily enough, tensing only briefly with the new sensation before relaxing entirely as I slowly go deeper, and I can’t help but moan as the tight warmth of him envelopes me fully.
Luke grabs a fistful of my hair, the touch sending sparks along the length of my spine, and I can feel my cock jerk inside him as it hits my lower back. He feels it, too, and his eyes roll back as he hums with it. He smiles at me, then.
“Is this okay?” he asks softly, cupping my cheek. “Still good?”
I can only nod, pressing my mouth to his eager lips, and he wraps his arms around my neck, settling beneath me. Then Luke takes my left hand in his right, twisting our fingers together, and he places it above his head in a way that’s comfortable for him with his shoulder, holding it there like an anchor. Then he rocks his hips forward, and my mind goes blank, my body taking over what it knows best, matching him in stride. We slowly build up the momentum until our mutual need is the only thing between us, careful movement replaced with crushing desperation.
I throw myself into the undertaking, spurred on by the way Luke moans against my throat, his hand at my neck, drawingme closer to him as if he could open his ribcage and let me in. I would gladly crawl under his skin if I could always keep the feeling of being this unbelievably close to him with me. The lines of reality blur, the world going hazy around us, the person I was and the person I’ve become blending together until I can’t tell them apart.
With every thrust hitting its desired mark, Luke loses more and more of that self-control he’s so desperately clung to, his composure dissolving as I drive myself into him with reckless abandon. It seems unreal that he could be experiencing this kind of rapturous pleasure with my cock buried inside him, but the result is undeniable as his body shudders. He’s desperate for me to fuck him until he’s lost himself completely, and I’m more than willing to give him everything he needs.
When I turn my attention to his leaking cock, thumbing the swollen crown, Luke practically starts begging. His face is so fucking beautiful that I could lose myself to it, and every sound he’s making is like music to my ears, our ragged breathing matching in perfect rhythm to create a brilliant symphony.
Luke drops his hand to the bed and grips the sheets beneath him like he’ll disappear without something tethering him to this reality, the name of god repeatedly falling from his lips in ever-growing urgency. He’s so close, but I’m losing the battle to keep myself from erupting before he’s done, swirls of pleasure rippling through my lower back. I would gladly stay in this moment if I could keep this going forever.
But with a loud and breathy moan, Luke comes first, the white streaks of his release spilling over his chest and stomach. His body involuntarily tightens around me with it, and I’m instantly lost to the sensation, my orgasm rippling through me near the point of pain. I ride out the aftershocks as Luke kisses me through it until I collapse onto his chest, completely spent.
It takes a few minutes for me to come back to myself after that. Luke’s fingers lazily brush over my scalp, and I listen to his thrashing heart as it slowly settles back to a natural rhythm, and our breathing steadies. Neither of us speaks; the need for words is unnecessary in this space. But when I am finally capable of moving again, Luke makes an involuntary noise as I slide free of him, his eyes shuddering slightly with the final vestiges of his pleasure.
Then he chuckles, the sound breathy and mixed with an unmistakable twinge of disbelief. He extends a lazy hand and puts it to my cheek, brushing his thumb back and forth, and he twists his lips into that little half-smile that I adore. He shakes his head.
“Andyouwere worried you’d fuck that up,” he says lightly.
“Hm.” I smirk. “So we both agree. I’m just an idiot.”
“Nothing wrong with a himbo,” he teases, biting his lower lip playfully.
“Ahimbo?” I snort.
“Affectionately, of course.”
I grin, shaking my head. “If you didn’t just rock my world, I would probably put in some effort to be more offended.”
Luke laughs, the sound as sweet as music. Then he pulls me down for a soft and tender kiss, all his previous heat thoroughly dissolved. “Thank you,” he says.
“For what?”
Luke shakes his head slightly, then sighs, unmistakably happy. “For being you.”
I blink, taken aback by the simple statement. I search his face in stunned silence, the meaning of his words covering me like a thick blanket on a winter’s night, the truth of it easily read between the lines. I feel how my heart beats faster in my chest as the idea that I’ve truly beenseen—beheld in all my flawsand imperfections—and still found worthy threatens to take me under.
I can feel the words ‘I love you’ wanting to bubble up, burst from my lips, and try to express even a fraction of the untamable emotion I feel for this man. For others, it might be a natural reaction, but for me, it feels like broken glass in my mouth. A confession that threatens pain and strikes fear into my soul. Fear of rejection. Fear of loss. Fear of suffering. So, the words that are clearlyright thereare still firmly off-limits, and a loud voice reminds me,it’s too soon.
Instead, I don’t say anything with words. I leave a soft kiss on his lips, the kind that speaks more than words ever could, and Luke seems satisfied with the response, his smile lighting up his entire face.
We clean ourselves up, then settle under the covers and revel in each other’s warmth, watching the hypnotic galaxy of lights swirl on the ceiling. We stay like that for a while, my body eventually tipping toward the edge of sleep, but then Luke sighs and sits up before I can fully drift off, and I feel a pang through my chest to realize he’s leaving. Again. Like tonight was no different for him than any other night.
Part of me feels an irrational swell of anger to think he’s always so willing to leave, even when I can tell he’s exhausted, swaying slightly as he stands to get dressed. Another part of me is afraid to admit that I want him to stay, a vulnerable part of my soul afraid to give in to the thought, as if it’s a weakness to desire that kind of comfort.
Although, I suppose it wouldn’t change anything if I asked him to stay. Whatever reason Luke has for keeping this arms-length distance between us must be worth more than giving in to the solace of remaining with me. Even as he comes back to the bed to kiss me goodnight before he slips out of the room, it feels fartoo casual, like the end of a business transaction. It’s lonely, but I would never admit that out loud.
