“I remember the long summer afternoons at the practice pen behind the barn. We didn’t do what other kids our age would do in other places, but out here, it was a lot to do outside, and horses were our thing. We started with ponies, spending hours carving circles around three rusted 55-gallon oil drums, and by the time we hit our teens, the ponies were replaced by horses with fire in their lungs. It was the time of our lives. When Mom died, I went through my grief there. The horses were my best company, and so was Saylor.”
“She seems like a good friend.”
I nod. “She is.”Wasuntil I fucked it up. “Losing my parents changed me, and although I started by taking it out on myself, at some point, I started pushing everyone away. Saylor was older, so she had more opportunities in the arena than me, and I was jealous. Happy for her but jealous…and then.”
I let out a breath. This is going to change the way he feels about me, so do I actually want to tell him?
He must sense the hesitation. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“I just don’t want you to change your opinion of me.” I’m laying my heart wide open for this man here, and I hope he takes care of it.
“Nothing could.”
“It’s messy.”
“Remember when I told you I could handle wild horses?”
I nod, smiling, remembering how his hands were on my wrist as he pinned me against the hay. With the heat I feel rising up my cheeks, he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
“I can handle your mess, Firefly.” He squeezes my hand.
“Her house burned. They lost almost everything, and all I kept thinking about was how I might have a chance to travel to the rodeo next. Not knowing that even if I was wishing to go, my chances would be none, because my father would die. I was so mad, and I took it out on her. She lost her house and material things, but her family was closer than ever. She had everything I wanted, and I was a shitty person.”
“Riley.” The way he says my name is like a caress to my soul, wrapping me up in a warm embrace I don’t want to let go of just with his tone.
“To make it worse? I pushed her away. She thought she did something wrong, and I just let her think it. And now, I know I was mostly punishing myself, but back then, I hurt her.”
Thinking back on that time, I can see how fucked up I was from the pain of losing everything I had. My life got turned upside down, and I took it out on the people who loved me the most.
“I would tell Lilly I had practice and go hang out anywhere but here. Saylor’s older brother started finding me in random places, which, looking back, was kinda creepy, but he was older and edgy, and you know what that does to teen girls.”
“You have a thing for older men, Riley Banks?” he sasses.
“Oh my God, you’re insufferable.”
We chuckle, realizing what he did there. Got me out of my head real quick.
“I think she thought we were sneaking around her back or something, that I was with him instead of being her friend. She found us kissing behind one of the panels before her race, at her first event after her house fire, and it cemented it for her.
“Except, it wasn’t like that. We kissed that once, and I actually hated it. I realized that what I liked about him was that he reminded me of Saylor, and I missed my friend.”
I exhale, letting the memories free, saying them out loud for the first time ever. “I went to see her before her first race, and she was so angry. I tried to talk to her, and she told me I could go talk to Hawke. It hurt me, obviously, but I wanted to explain. She didn’t let me, and I didn’t blame her. She was furious, and when she went out, she fell going around her first barrel and landed on her head.”
He sucks in a breath, taking my hand in his, a silentI’m hereif I’ve ever seen one.
“It was my fault. She got really hurt, and it was all my fault. I didn’t mean it. I wanted her to have it. The win, the success, all of it. I would take it all back if I could.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Saylor says from somewhere near me. I turn to find her standing over me, features softened.
“Saylor, I?—”
Dom squeezes my hand again. “I’ll leave you to it.” He gets up, stepping into the barn and leaving us.
“It was,” I say as she sits in the spot Dom left for her. “I was a shitty friend, and I hurt you on purpose. Then you got hurt physically, and your career ended, and it was all me.”
She shakes her head. “It wasn’t. Yes, I was mad at you, but not for the reason you think. I thought you only used me to get to him. It wouldn’t have been the first time someone tried to get close to me to get to Hawke, and you knew that, so it hurt worse, but it had nothing to do with you. It was my saddle.”
Her saddle?“What?”
