Damn it, Dominic, I love you too, and it’s about time I tell him. No jokes, banter, or sex. Just words. Words that will carry a lot of meaning.
The soft knocks coming from the door surprise me. They shouldn’t, since lately, everyone is knocking on doors instead of going in, me included.
“Come in!” I shout, jogging down the stairs, covered in paint.
“Are you leaving?” Lilly asks, eyes locked on the empty suitcases I haven’t had a chance to move back to where they belong.
I thought about it.
About leaving.
About trying to find myself someplace else.
But there’s no point, because I’m not going to find it. I belong here. This is where I’m meant to be, and I finally see it.
There’s no need to be on the go every day when every waking moment can be a beautiful thing here. The world will always be there for me to explore for a while, as long as in the wake of summer, I can find myself right back here, where I want to be.
“No,” I say, an answer that carries immediate relief for my sister, something I haven’t seen in her in so long.
“Good. I don’t know what I’d do if you left.”
“Why, because you would have to figure out how to keep up with schedules and my classes? Or because you’d be bored now that you wouldn’t have to worry about your adult little sister banging the best man she’s ever known?”
Lilly flinches at the harshness of my words. I’m usually not the one lashing out at my sisters. I’m usually the happy-go-lucky one, making a mess of things but not talking back to them. Not calling them out.
“No. I like having you around.”
“Sure, sure. Except when I mess something up, and then it’s just screaming at me to fix it, and not even believing I can.”
She shakes her head, dropping her gaze to the floor. “I’ve been hard on you. I didn’t realize how much until this situation. I’m sorry.”
Sorry has been flying around here, and as much as I want to pout and say I don’t believe her, I do. Lilly doesn’t apologize, mostly because she makes no mistakes on her perfect high horse she rides, so this is not only new, but surprising too.
“Are you sorry because I yelled at you?”
“I’m not gonna lie, I was shocked when you did, but no, I'm sorry because I am. I didn’t realize how much I had hurt you, and for what? An honest mistake? That could’ve happened to anyone.” She lets out a breath. “There seems to be an impossibly high bar I’ve set for myself, and I keep measuring everyone against it. I’m working on it, and I’m sorry you were caught in the crossfire.”
I nod, swallowing the words I want to say. There’s no point in going back and forth. I can be quiet and listen. Two ears to listen, more than the one mouth to talk, Dad would say.
“I’m also sorry about the whole Dominic situation. I didn’t know. I wish you would’ve told me?—”
I open my mouth to interrupt. She raises her hand to stop me. “I know why y’all didn’t tell me, but I still wish it. Can’t do anything about it now other than apologize. Which I did to him, but I wanted to talk to you once the water had settled.”
“You told me you were proud of me,” I say, hurt laced in my tone. It turns out, I have not been able to let it go. Two steps forward and ten steps back with her, and I get it. She's stressed out, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, but why is it always me as her punching bag?
“I am. I just let things pile up, and then I explode, and I’ve taken it out on you. I am sorry. Believe me when I say I hear you, and I’m gonna work on it. Someone who loves you as much as I do shouldn’t act in a way that has you believing they don’t.”
Does she?
“Because I do love you, Riley. Like a lot. You’re all the parts of our parents and this place I wish I could be. A little wild, very pure, and a whole lot of free.”
“So free, I don’t belong anywhere but with the wind,” I say, magnifying glass over my deepest fears, bringing them out in the open and hoping for the best.
Willa steps through the front door just in time. I love that my middle sis doesn’t knock, or she would miss this moment that seems to be good for everyone else.
“Did I hear you say you don’t belong anywhere?” I nod. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I just happened to be right on the other side of the door. Riley, you belong wherever you land. That’s the most beautiful thing about you.”
“Making a mess everywhere I go no matter how much I try?”
