“Comfortable?” I ask her sitting next to her, she lays her head on my shoulder.
“Much better now,” she says holding onto my arm like it’s keeping her from sinking. And I’ll gladly be her lifeboat until she gets over this. There’s no just getting over this I think. That’s a Ricik thing as Love once called it. The things that make me unique, she told me that when we started to really know each other. It was on a message but I’ll never forget it. Apparently not being bothered by death is a Ricik thing. Even if I think it’s just me, my brother was haunted by it, and he was a Ricik.
“What are you thinking about?” Love asks with a fake smile.
“How can I make you feel better?” I ask her knowing my conventional ways don’t work, well they work but only temporarily.
“Stay with me,” she whispers before locking her right leg with mine.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not without you,” I oath to it. God up there can be sure I got her, and I’m not letting her go. I kiss her forehead and pull her towards me like every night.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” Love says and sneaks out of my arms, she’s up to something. As soon as she entersthe bathroom I remember Rian’s face when he asked me not to leave her alone. I rush to the bathroom and find her standing in the middle of the bathroom.
“What are you looking for?” I question and she shrugs. “Love I’ve seen the marks on your legs. And before you say how you don’t talk about it, I won’t make you talk about it. What I won’t allow is you hurting yourself,” not under my watch, not ever again.
“I need an escape,” Love screams in tears. Good, she’s showing emotions again.
“I know, but there’s no escape, Love, no easy one. You have to endure the pain, get through the pain, and emerge from the darkness. Atyourpace. And I’ll be there every step of the way if you let me-”
“Don’t leave,” Love requests and I wonder if there’s something I’m not catching about her past or if there’s been just too many losses. Too many goodbyes.
“I’m right here,” I say and Love glues her body to mine as she shudders sobbing against my chest, my arms around her. She doesn’t seem to want to move so I sit on the floor and keep her enveloped in my arms.
What was supposed to be minutes turned into hours, and the next thing I remember Love is asleep on my arms, I slowly, steadily and silently move us to the bed, she rolls to my left side and stays hugged to my arm. I’m grateful she reached out, the state she was in when she received the news, the way she disconnected from reality, from me, not letting anyone touch her. She only allowed one quick hug to each of our friends and then went into gone mode for the rest of the evening, and morning.
Love is strong, she needed time to adjust to what happened in her head. I look down at her, mouth slightly open, a crease between her eyebrows, her arms around my waist and left arm. I could stay in here forever if my phone wasn’t blowing up.
I reach for it with my right arm and struggle not to wake Love up, but she stays sound asleep.
Josh: We’re turning off the machines, get your ass here and bring Love.
Can’t catch a break, I scoop Love back into my arms and shush her back to sleep. I carry her to the front door, and see Josh standing outside the building. Good, no chance to get her some needed rest.
“I’m sore,” Love says when I get her back on her feet waking her up slowly.
“I know, honey, I’m sorry,” I respond knowing she doesn’t remember what happened, I hold her hand and feel the hold on mine strengthen when she sees Josh.
“It wasn’t a nightmare, Dom?” she asks, I shake my head. “God, I wish it was. Let’s get this over with,” Love says and I hate her tone, her broken raspy voice from all the crying and sobbing.
I open the front door and hold it open for Love to pass yet she doesn’t move. I keep holding her hand, but she seems gone. Sorry, but not again!
“Give us one second, Josh,” I say closing the door again, Love looks at me numb and I clap my hands in front of her face once, it’s all it takes for her to regain some conscience, hopefully enough.
“Why did we stop walking?” she asks and crosses herarms over her chest. Cold. She’s cold. I hand her my jacket and when she doesn’t take it becoming absent yet again I put it around her shoulders and get ready for her to hate me forever, which also means Josh will kill me. But oh well, a man has to do what he has to do. And for my girl? That includes making her possibly hate me for some time, if that means I save her.
“You were detaching from reality again. And I can not let you do that. I can’t see someone I love, slowly slipping away, until they’ve had enough and decide to end it. Your father wouldn’t want you like this, Love. He did everything, and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING, he could to keep you safe, to make this world livable so you could be happy. All he wanted was for you to be happy. He talked to me a couple of days ago, he told me and I quote, ‘If something happens take care of my girl, and solve Liot’s situation, keep Josh in a leash he can be self-destructive. This is not a request, if you don’t keep your part of the deal I will get out of my fucking grave and drag you to hell myself.’ He wanted you and Josh to be safe. Safe and happy,” I end and she laughs.
“I can feel him in the words,” she says, “I’m surprised he didn’t make you sign the agreement with your own blood,” she jokes, but she could be right. Vance is someone who would do it, if he thought he had to.
“Who says he didn’t?” I joke back and she reaches for my hand, I let her take it, it, me, my soul, everything.
“I’m not detaching from you,” she promises kissing my cheek.
“Good, because that’s the best speech my apathetic ass could manage,” I say and Josh opens the door.
“You said one second it’s been almost eight minutes,” Josh calls me out, but seeing Love smile at me and walk towards Josh for a hug, is everything I needed. I needed to see she was still here. And she stillwantedto be.
“I’m sorry, Josh-”
