“Trust us. Trustme. Let us keep your head above water.” He moves us backward until I’m flush against the wall, my arms extended above my head, his hand on my waist and his fingers stroking my skin.
My heart wedges itself in my throat as I stare into his face—a face I’ve memorized over the years, every scar and freckle and imperfection. Though, admittedly, they are few and far between.
An avalanche of emotion slams into me and sweeps me away.
Slowly, keeping my eyes locked on his, I push up onto my tiptoes and free my wrists from his embrace. Stubble abrades my fingertips as I run them across his jaw, which is currently clenched. It relaxes marginally at my touch, however, some of the tension draining from his body.
“Ellie…” My name is a pained exhale.
I push down his hood until I can run my fingers through his disheveled black hair, the strands sticking in all directions. He moans at my touch, his long lashes fluttering, and leans further against my palms.
“Ellie. Baby.” His lips brush mine, a tease of a kiss, and I chase it, chasehim.
Kissing each of my guys is different. Some are soft and soulful. Others are ravenous and passionate.
Ryker? He kisses me like he’s dying. Every press of his lips against mine, every swipe of his tongue against my parted lips, makes my arousal amplify. I want his hands on me, inside of me, all over me.
He runs his hands up my waist and cups my breasts through the material of my shirt. I drag my own hand under his shirt, feeling his hot, corded muscles flex beneath my palm.
And all I can think is—why have I been avoiding this for so long?
Why have I been avoiding them?
For months, I’ve been in a perpetual daze, wading through knee-deep tar and unable to see more than a few feet in front of me. It was an existence of monotony and loneliness and a depression that sank its spindly claws deep into me and refused to let go. But kissing Ryker is like stepping into the light. I can feel it lacquering my face, warming my skin, encompassing me in its soft embrace.
My brain scatters in a thousand different directions when Ryker releases my breasts, roughly grabs the back of my thighs,and hoists me into the air. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around him and tug at his hair, holding his face to mine.
“You’re not alone.” Ryker’s voice is a rasp against my lips. “You’ll never be alone. Don’t push us away. Don’t push me away.” He punctuates each promise with a kiss that causes my body to liquefy, to become aflush with sensation.
Guilt stings, the feeling like saltwater dripping into an open wound.
He’s right, isn’t he? He may not have said it outright, but I’ve been an epic bitch lately. I’ve been so consumed with my own trauma, my own fears, that I’ve been pushing the guys aside. Before they were my lovers, they were my best friends. They needed me, and I haven’t been there for them.
I vow to myself, right then and there, that I’ll do better. That I’llbebetter. My quest for revenge won’t get in the way of my relationships with the five men who hold my heart. It’s not split among the five of them. They each have it in its entirety. It’s battered and bruised and tarnished from years of pain and crippling depression, but it’s all I can offer them.
I just hope it’s enough.
“We need to stop,” Ryker rasps, his fingers clamping on my ass. “We need to stop right now.”
“What?” I feel languid, my body leaden and heavy. I blink at him, attempting to wrangle my senses under control once more.
“If we don’t stop, I’m going to fuck you right here and now.” His raspy proclamation sends another surge of heat through me, my pussy clenching instinctively.
“Would that be a bad thing?” I bite down on my lower lip hard enough to draw blood, even as he lowers me to the ground, his cock straining against his pants in a way that almost looks painful.
“Yes,” he growls out. That’s it. No other explanation.
But I get it.
Ryker is…conflicted. Not with me—I know that—but with the situation. He understands that I have feelings for the other guys, and I think a part of him even accepts that to some extent. What he hasn’t accepted, however, is sharing me with them. I’m unsure what this means for us, or if there ever will be an us, but I don’t want to push him. It’ll break my heart if he chooses to walk away from me, but at the end of the day, I love him enough to let him go. All I want is for him to be happy.
Having sex with me, especially now, will change everything between us. I know it as well as he does. There will be no going back. No second chances. I won’t be able to let him go any more than he’d be able to let me go. We would be tied for life, two souls that inexorably found each other in the dissonant chaos of this world.
Shadows darken Ryker’s face, a frown touching his lips. “Ellie?—”
“I understand. I promise,” I tell him, and I mean it, even if fear swells behind my ribs and pain slashes at my spine.
“I love you. Don’t ever doubt that. You’re the only person I love. The only one I’ll ever love.”
