Without warning, Kylian tosses the rifle at me. "Clear it."
I catch it as I hold his gaze. Hands working automatically, I remove the magazine and then the round loaded in the chamber.
"Gun down, soldier." Kylian flops back onto the couch, tossing an arm casually across the back.
He stares at me, and slowly he shakes his head.
My stomach twists tightly.
Is that disbelief? Condemnation? Disgust?
I can't tell.
Frantic, flapping moths flit all the way from my toes up to my skull as I set down the weapon and its parts on a nearby chair.
Luka lets the headset drop off his lap onto the cushion between them as he brings both elbows to his knees and then uses his palms to scrub at his forehead.
Though my typical instinct is to shut my mouth and clam up, my mates seem to have the opposite effect on me. Over-explanations pour from my lips in a flood.
"Ted has karkinos. And it's bad. It's progressed. He won't tell our parents because of my mom. And I was already at Darling… The schools are so close. It made sense. Nobody needed to know our heir is weak. I thought if I went in his place, he’d get time to recover. But he might not?—"
Luka holds up his hand to stop my nervous chatter, and I pause, fighting the ridiculous urge to rock onto my toes in order to dispel the nervous energy ricocheting through me.
Luka’s brow furrows, his eyes narrowed. "The dance… You said you were going to change with Ted."
"I was going to changeintoTeddie." I give an awkward shrug. "He was the one getting the award. He was the one everyone needed to see."
"We've been such dicks to you," Kylian observes, tapping his hand on the arm of the couch.
"I mean…I knew it wasn't to me," I hedge with a single shoulder shrug because I can’t lie.
They were massive assholes at first.
"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Luka asks, head shaking side to side, as if he's still processing.
Or as if he thinks he did something wrong. Something that made me distrust him.
Inhaling, I swoop forward until I'm kneeling at his feet, covering his hand with mine as I stare plaintively up at him. I need him to believe my next words.
"You would have treated me differently. People would have noticed. That's the only reason I didn't tell you. The only reason."
Luka snorts in disdain. "I wouldn't have."
I drag my teeth across my lower lip before I say, "Hit me."
Luka instantly recoils the way an omega would if she spotted a spider. Disgusted horror drops his jaw wide open. "No!"
Pursing my lips and tilting my head, I reply, "See? How could I go to class as Teddie if that’s your reaction?"
Kylian's expression darkens, and he points a finger at me. "Not fair."
Heaving out a breath, I nod. "You're right. It wasn't. I just… I'm not used to trusting anyone. It's hard for me. And I'm not trying to make excuses—even though I'm sure that sounds exactly like one… Ugh." I sag down to sit on my ankles and realize my hands are still on top of Luka's.
I start to slide them off, but he catches them in midair. I stare at our hands as he weaves our fingers together and then firmly folds his down, clutching me.
My lungs stutter as I meet his gaze.
"I'm not happy. I understand. But I'm not happy,” he states firmly.
