Rem nodded in agreement, the sharp feathers that framed his face bristling with the evening breeze.
I didn’t bother with a reply, instead reaching for a bowl and filling it with soup. If they wanted to risk the wrath of Rudderkin, it would be on them.
The others follow my lead, serving themselves and carrying on their hushed conversation as if I weren’t there.
It was all the same. Besides Kaine, I had no one amongst Rudderkin’s crew who gave a damn about me. Some were too far gone to the bloodlust that came with our line of work to make connections anymore. Others chose to move in tight-knit groups. But most were partnered, like Rem and Marcus.
I hated being paired with partners.
Once our bowls were empty and the fire had worn down to a single log, I caught Marcus staring at me.
“What is it?”
“What do you plan on doing after all of this is over, Azrael?”
“Over?” I repeated. “The Rebellion won’t end in my lifetime.”
“But what if it did,” Marcus continued, leaning back on his hands. Rem snored softly in his lap, and he gently stroked the feathers along his face. “If you woke up tomorrow and Rudderkin cut you loose, what would you do?”
The question was ridiculous. Rudderkin wouldn’t let me go until I was dead. He’d told me as much on a daily basis. There was no point even considering it.
“Rem and I would like to travel the Expanse. Go out west and explore the great ruins. He’s always been fascinated with that dusty old shite. Can’t say I share his enthusiasm, but it does my heart good to see him happy about something.”
“You’d go with him?” I asked, though I wasn’t sure why I cared.
“Of course. He’s my mate. I would follow him to the ends of the earth. Even to the boring old ruins of cities no one knows the names of.”
I frowned into the embers of the dying fire.
“I take it you don’t have a mate back at camp?”
A snorted laugh was my answer.
“How long have you been a part of Rudderkin’s crew?”
“Eleven years,” I answered.
Marcus nodded. “That explains it, then.”
“Explains what?”
“Why you can’t stand the sight of us. You’ve been in the fight longer than not. Seen too much blood and not enough of the world.” He motioned down to his mate. “This kind of thing would be hard for you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Am I wrong?” Marcus asked with a grin.
“I don’t owe you an explanation.”
“Aye, you don’t. But I think you might owe yourself one soon enough.”
I closed my eyes, trying to escape Marcus’s piercing gaze. “Why would I? Having a partner makes you weak. Rudderkin shouldn’t even allow it in the ranks.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Azrael. There’s no one stronger than someone who fights for the one they love. Rudderkin knows that. He may be ruthless, but he’s not dumb. If he sends Rem and me out on a mission, he knows that I’ll do everything I can to ensure Rem comes back in one piece. And that means I’ll destroy anyone who comes after us.”
“You sure he’d do the same for you?” I asked, opening my eyes to find him staring down at his sleeping partner.
“I bet my life on it every day, Azrael. I hope that you’ll get to experience what a joy it is one day.”
