I let out a shaky breath, one hand instinctively moving to my stomach as if I could shield her even now. There was only one person who could protect her, and he was an ocean away.
Another pang hit, and I tightened my grip on Sophie’s hand again, bracing myself.
“I’m scared,” I admitted, my voice barely audible.
Sophie squeezed back. “I know. But you’re not alone in this.”
God, I wanted to believe her. But as the pain surged again and I cried out into the pillow, I could only think of my beautiful sister and how much I wished she were here.
“Good… you’re doing so good,” she said, steady but soft, the way she had been all night. “You’re doing it. Breathe with me. In… and out… slow.”
I tried, and no sooner another contraction crashed through me. My body curled in on itself while my insides felt like they were splitting apart.
“I didn’t think it would hurt this much,” I whispered when it passed, my throat raw. She pulled her hand out of my grip, massaging it. “I’m sorry?—”
“Don’t apologize,” she said quickly. “Squeeze as hard as you need.”
Minutes stretched into what felt like eternity. Pain, breath, Sophie’s voice. Pain, breath, Sophie’s voice.
“You’re close now,” she told me at some point, brushing damp hair from my forehead. “I need you to listen to me, okay? When I tell you to push… you push.”
I nodded, every fiber of me shaking.
“Okay,” Sophie said, her tone shifting into that of a future doctor. She had begun her residency and had delivered a few babies at Georgetown, and although she wasn’t very experienced, I trusted her with this. “Now… push.”
I bit into my hand again, bearing down with everything I had. It felt wrong, impossible, like my body was being torn open.
“Good, Violet. Very good… Now… again!”
I sobbed as I did it again, limbs trembling with the effort.
“I can see the head,” Sophie said suddenly, her voice laced with awe. “Almost here.”
“I can’t anymore.”
“Yes, you can,” Sophie urged. “You’re doing amazing. One more big push, okay? One more.”
“No,” I whimpered. “I need medicine. I can’t?—”
“I know,” she whispered, her eyes soft on me. “I know. But right now, you just have to bring this baby into this world safely. That’s all that matters.”
I knew I had no choice. I pushed, cried out, every part of me straining. Then suddenly, the pressure eased and I felt lighter.
There was a heartbeat of silence, immediately followed by a baby’s cry.
My breath caught.
“Oh my God,” Sophie murmured, her voice trembling now. “It’s a girl. Violet, she’s here. You did it.”
I collapsed back against the makeshift bed on the floor, pillows surrounding me while I sobbed into one.
“Is she… okay?”
“She’s perfect,” Sophie said, tears straining her cheeks as she worked to wrap my baby girl into blankets we’d set aside earlier. “She’s healthy. You did it.”
The crying continued, and it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.
“Could I…” I trailed off, aware of how impossibly hard my next steps would be.
