TWENTY-FIVE
VIOLET
He was putting it all out there, and for the first time in a long time, I wanted to do the same.
Except I didn’t know how anymore.
Yes, you do, my heart whispered.You’re just scared.
Maybe I was, but I had every reason to be.
I had been a closed book for so long that even finding the first page felt like an impossible task. The pain inflicted by my father was still here. I could feel it pressing against the inside of my ribs.
“I’d like a clean slate with you, Violet,” Lykos added.
I swallowed, my fingers curling in my lap. I hadn’t talked about my father’s cruelty in years. Not since before my sister disappeared. She was usually the only one to witness it and protest against it. Well, she and our mother, but my mom was mostly numb to it.
Lykos watched me, unaware of the silent waging war within me.
“I…” My voice cracked, and I let out a quiet, humorless breath. “I don’t usually talk about personal things. Which is ironic for a therapist, I know.”
His expression softened, eyes still laser-focused on me. “Maybe it’s your defense mechanism. I don’t understand the human psyche as well as you, but it can’t be good to hold it all in. Don’t you think?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t have to force it,” he said gently. “Just… say wherever hurts the least.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “It all hurts.”
I felt the heaviness of all my choices and losses tighten in my chest, but still, Lykos waited. He didn’t rush me. He just remained sitting, watching me and waiting.
And somehow, that made it easier.
“I always felt that my father hated me. He’d shower Lily with love, but all I got was the cold shoulder. It was okay though, because I had my sister, and sometimes, I had my mom too.” The words felt foreign on my tongue, like I was speaking a language I’d forgotten. I hesitated, then forced myself to keep going. “But then Lily was taken… died…” It was so hard to think of her as dead when I never saw her body. A part of me still hoped she’d resurface, alive, and I’d hug her until everything went back to the way it was. “That was when his hate came out in full force. In the orders he gave to the staff to withhold my dinner or to ignore me outright. Even my mom ignored me. I knew they were hurting, and I made a mistake going to that dance, but I was hurting too. And I blamed myself even more than they did.”
Lykos tilted his head slightly. “You were just a kid. What does a sixteen-year-old know? It wasn’t fair or right for your parents to lay blame at your feet.”
“I blamed myself,” I said, bitterness lacing my words. “But I needed them too, and they cast me aside. I mourned the loss of my sister, but all I got were threats…”
I trailed off and looked away, suddenly wanting to crawl out of my sin.
“Threats?” Lykos asked, urging me on. “What did they threaten you with?”
I swallowed, my throat tightening. I didn’t know how to explain it without making it sound like it was a petty excuse to defend my choices. Lykos asked again, keeping his tone even. “Threatening with what, Violet?”
“He said he’d extinguish my line. Murder any children I ever had,” I rasped, words leaving my lips slowly. “They weren’t empty threats. He’d always followed through with his threats when I was young, so I knew…”
My fingernails dug into the palms of my hands, the bite anchoring me as I recalled the time my father beat me black and blue a few weeks after Lily’s kidnapping.
The rattle of the iron door. And then… bang.
Father’s fist against my cheek had me seeing stars. Literally. His knee to my abdomen sent excruciating pain through me.
“I’ll kill your children before they’re even born,” he vowed, his voice cold as ice.
My body was a canvas of bruises. My mind was a broken record of “whys.” My soul was stamped with guilt.
Each time he beat me, darkness came alive all around me, threatening to swallow me. Every word he uttered in that soundproof room hurt me. Over and over again.
