It was the same thing I’d been wearing to class, the same thing he’d seen me in all day—a pair of tight but comfy designer jeans and my favorite high-heeled boots. But I’d shed my modest sweater and coat, revealing a black bodysuit with a deep neckline that clung to my curves. I’d never really intended to show it off when I’d left the house all bundled up that morning, but it was my only option when I’d gotten here and the heat of the club had hit me. Most of the other girls had gone home and gotten dolled up, with big hair, big heels, and short, flouncy skirts. I knew I still looked a little out of place, but the way Gavin was looking at me—with real appreciation in his eyes—I didn’t mind standing out too much.
After weeks of being completely ignored by my husband, having someone look at me like that was a real ego boost. Although I couldn’t help noticing that another guy—one of the bouncers, judging by how huge he was, with his shaved head and Popeye muscles—had been checking me out all night as well. But that guy had an almost predatory look to him, as if he was studying me. With Gavin, it was all appreciative smiles and those warm brown eyes.
“You’re stunning, no matter what you’re wearing,” Gavin said. “Especially when you’re on the dance floor. It’s nice to see you let loose. You deserve to have some fun tonight.”
The suggestive tone of his words and the sudden intensity of his gaze implied that he’d be interested in doing any number of other “fun” things with me tonight. But even though his intentions were clear, the whole thing felt very innocent. I allowed myself to imagine for a moment what my life would be like if I’d never met Stefan. If I was meeting Gavin for the first time here, and we were both single.
It was how I imagined my love story would begin. With this kind of innocent but charged chemistry, the kind of chemistry that could maybe build to something more over time. It would be romantic, falling slowly in love like that. With someone gentle, who really understood me.
Twirling my empty shot glass on the bar top, I looked over at him and blurted, “What’s your favorite word?”
“Favorite word?” Gavin repeated.
Immediately I felt childish for asking, but then he said, “In which language?”
I grinned. “Latin. Let’s see how good my tutoring this semester has really been.”
He looked off for a moment, and I wasn’t sure he’d have a real answer until he shrugged his shoulders a little and said, “Cohibeo. It’s the purposeful repression of grief. We don’t have a specific word for that in English.”
I knew the word. It made me ache. “Why such a sad one?” I asked.
“I guess because…my dad died when I was young,” he admitted. “And my mom had a string of bad boyfriends, one after another, the whole time I was growing up. A lot of them were abusive. So I don’t know, I guess I feel like my childhood could be defined by the word Cohibeo. I worked hard to put on a brave face. My brother and I both did.”
“Oh, Gavin, I had no idea,” I murmured, my heart instantly going out to him. “But youwerebrave. It wasn’t just a face. And look at you now. You’ve come so far.”
I took his hand for a moment and squeezed. I’d mentioned losing my mother in passing, but he had never told me about his dad. Still trying to act like a tough guy all this time.
“What’s your favorite Latin word?” Gavin asked, clearly wanting to change the subject, his hand warm on my lower back as he moved closer.
“I have so many,” I said. I picked up the last shot, the one that Lila had never come to the bar to claim. “But I think the one you need to hear right now isbumastus.”
“What’s that?”
I cleared my throat. “It means, “having large grapes.” A shame it’s gone out of use.”
Gavin threw back his head and laughed, and I joined along with him. When we settled down I realized he was looking at me with so much amusement and awe that I blushed.
“What?” I asked, a little self-conscious at his obvious admiration.
“You’re just…great,” he said, shaking his head. “Not at all what I expected. I’ve never met anyone like you. It’s not just that you’re beautiful. You’re brilliant and funny and kind, too.”
I blushed even harder. No doubt I was red enough that Gavin would be able to tell even in the dark club. Our eyes locked and I could tell he wanted to kiss me right then.
“Latin’s the best,” I said lamely, trying to break up the moment.
“Yup. Ancient and inaccessible,” he joked. “Just how I like my women.”
I slapped him playfully on the arm.
“Are you calling me ancient?” I teased.
“Not at all,” he said, his eyes sparkling. “You’re practically a babe in the woods compared to some of us in the program.”
I noticed he hadn’t refuted the inaccessible part.
What if things could be different? What would it be like to date someone like Gavin? Someone who genuinely admired me, laughed at my jokes, and liked the same things that I did.
What if he could be my new start? I’d never cheat on Stefan, regardless of his own actions in that regard, but I couldn’t help imagining what would happen after my divorce.
