“Unless I had something real to say,” he says. “I’ve been driving around for hours. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t sit still. I ended up here without even realizing where I was going.”
“Here. At the bridge where you first kissed me.”
“Yeah.” He pulls off the cap and runs a hand through his dark hair. I bite down on my lower lip, my fingers tingling with the urge to do the very same thing. I press them against my sides. “I come here a lot, actually. When I can’t sleep. When I miss you so much it feels like something’s broken inside me.”
My throat tightens, knotted with unshed tears. I don’t say anything because if I open my mouth, it might be more than just words that come out.
“And then Wolfe texted me. He said you were out running, alone, heading toward the waterfront.” He meets my eyes. “I didn’t come here to ambush you. But I wasn’t going to let you wander around by yourself in the middle of the night either.”
“So you’re stalking me and calling it protection?”
“I’m calling it not being able to stay away.” He takes a breath and looks around before his eyes land back on me. “You have five minutes to tell me to leave. If you want me gone, I’ll go. But I need you to hear me out first.”
I should tell him to leave now, turn around and run back to my mother’s house, and bury myself under the covers in my room.
But I don’t move. Because I can’t just forget and shut down. Not anymore.
I grip the railing tight. “Talk.”
He moves closer still, slowly, like I might bolt at any second.
“I know ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough,” he says. “I know words don’t fix what I did. But I need you to understand what happened.”
“I understand plenty. You chose your family over mine.”
“Yes.” No hesitation. “That’s exactly what I did. And I was wrong.”
I wasn’t expecting him to just admit it. Again.
“Eamon told me something was going to happen at the gala,” he continues. “He didn’t give me details, just said there would be some kind of attack. He wanted me there because of my security background. I didn’t even want to go, but he used my brothers as leverage. Like he fucking always did when he wanted something from me.”
He lets out a shuddering sigh. “It was wrong of me to keep what I knew from you, and I’m sorry for breaking your trust. But I still saved you. When the attack happened, when I saw what was going on, I made a choice. I could have stayed out of it. Instead, I chose to get you out.”
“How heroic.”
“Look, I’m not asking for credit. I’m just trying to explain.” He runs a hand over his face. “I made a shitty call. I was trying to protect my family, but I didn’t realize?—”
He stops. Swallows hard.
“I didn’t realize you were going to become my family.”
Oh, there’s that fucking ache again. I don’t say anything.
“I didn’t plan this.” He gestures between us. “I didn’t plan on falling in love with you. I didn’t plan on you being the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.”
“Lochlan—”
“I’m not done.” He takes another step. Now he’s close enough to touch, but still, he keeps his hands at his sides. “I love our kitchen breakfast dates. I love that you talk to Reaper like he understands every word. I love that you’re smarter than everyone in any room and you don’t apologize for it.”
My eyes are burning. Dammit, I will not cry.
“I love that you’re stubborn and fierce and you don’t take shit from anyone, including me. I love that you let me see theparts of you no one else gets to see. The soft parts. The scared parts.” His voice drops. “The parts that curl up against me in the middle of the night like you finally feel safe.”
A tear slips down my cheek. Shit. Here we go.
“My life is empty without you,” he says. “The penthouse is a tomb. Reaper misses you. I miss you. Every minute of every day.”
“What do you want from me?” My voice comes out cracked and broken, just like the rest of me has been feeling.
