I look away from him, hating the pity in his eyes, and we’re quiet for a moment, my admission hanging between us.
“Have you started your residency at Hill Crest Memorial?” Cage asks quietly, changing the subject for a moment, seeing I’m at breaking point, and I hum, trying to ignore the guilt.
I should be excited, I should be jumping for fucking joy that I got onto the surgical residency program to begin with, but all I have is regret, a shit ton of it.
Clark wanted to be a nurse, but she’s a nursing assistant in the ER instead. She didn’t go to college. She became a full-time mother and made our daughter priority. She refused to rely on her mom or mine for childcare. She turned down college funds from her dad and brother. She refused to even discuss me helping her gain her career and dreams. As it stands, Belle is the only person she trusts with our daughter pissing off her mom and mine.
She lost trust in everyone when no one stopped the wedding, if you can even call it that. She didn’t have the white dress or the church, she didn’t have her princess dream, instead she was forced to sign the marriage license.
She thought they all sided with me, including her family, and she’s right, they did side with me because they knew the dangershe was in. Fuck, I’m not disappointed because I’m in love with her, I just don’t feel good enough for her.
I still feel like I raped her yet the thought of allowing her to leave, the thought of setting her free makes me want to fucking choke.
“My head doctor wants to fuck me,” I admit, answering his question.
Dr. Lavish, with her bright ginger hair and wicked smirk, tried to cup me in the breakroom, shocking the shit outta me.
Apparently, she’s always wanted to fuck a biker.
“What?!” Cage growls, but I wave my hand at him.
“I showed her my ring, and she soon backed off, but she’s still eyeing me,” I admit before I take a sip of my coffee, “and so is Lavender. Before I came here I found her in my bed in the clubhouse getting herself off and when I told her mywifewas in the common room with my daughter, she mentioned how it wasn’t a real marriage because I was trapped just as said wife walked past. I kicked the bitch out and had her put on probation, fuck, I’ve never even touched the woman, so I don’t get why she wants me so much.”
“See, bitches like that won’t help your marriage!” he snaps, and I sigh.
“My mind won’t help my marriage, brother. For fucking years, I ignored the feelings I had for her, and look where we are...” I mutter just as my phone rings, and I huff.
“What’s the betting that’s dad,” he says, and I grunt, “Probably,” as I grab my phone from my cut and check the ID, already planning on ignoring the fucker because he’s doing my head in, only I swallow hard.
“It’s Clark,” I mutter, and Cage questions, “I thought she doesn’t call you?”
“She doesn’t,” I snap, worry hitting me, and I quickly answer, “Buttercup is everything okay? Willow, okay?”
She clears her throat and admits, “Willow is fine, she just uh, look, she wants to begin ballet, but uh, I can’t afford the price for the ballet studio one town over.”
Fuck, she’s finally asking for help, five fucking years, and she’s asking for help.
I’ve barely heard her voice, only when she’s talking to our daughter, we don’t communicate, and she believes I’m fucking around, yet she called me and my heart fucking soars.
Fuck.
Licking my bottom lip, I state, “I’ll pay for it, that isn’t a problem, but I gave you a card for a reason, buttercup.”
Cage winces, already seeing where this conversation is going, just as Clark whispers, “I don’t want to use it, Trick, just uh, I’ll send you the contact information and you can do it that way, sorry for bothering you.”
She hangs up before I can say anything else, and I sigh, “Fuck’s sake.”
“She thinks you're with your mistress, brother,” Cage says, and I hum as I stare at my phone, a photo of Clark and Willow from the day she gave birth, having my entire attention, and I mutter, “I don’t have one, though.”
“Miles,” Cage says firmly, and we lock eyes. He asks, “I’ll ask again, why not tell her how you feel? See how she feels in return, please, brother.”
“I tore her virginity from her,” I state, and he flinches at the reminder.
“I’ll say it again and again until I’m blue in the face, you were drugged, she was drugged,” he growls with tension, and I shake my head before choking, “Then why do I still feel like I raped my wife?”
“Because of how it all happened,” he whispers, “You love her, Miles, and honestly, if she didn’t believe you were fucking around, she could fall in love with you too. You would haveeverything, including possibly giving Willow a sibling. You need to seek help, brother.”
I sniff hard and down the rest of my coffee before I grunt, “Being with Drew has made you sappy,” trying to hide my emotions, and he sighs, seeing right through me.
