“Back then, hard-core was the only way I knew how to do things.”
“I guess that explains why you’re so well-read and self-aware.”
“It’s an unfortunate side effect.”
“Why unfortunate?”
“Eventually, you know too much and can no longer lie to yourself.” He gives me a sideways glance. “What about you? What happened with that big fancy Chicago firm you worked at?”
I haven’t thought about those early days of my career in forever. “I was caught up in the competition of law school, where everyone is chasing the big job. Then I got the big job, and it didn’t live up to my expectations.”
“What happened?”
“I came home for Christmas and didn’t want to leave.”
“You missed your family?”
“I did. Every Christmas, we go up to this cabin we have in the woods for a few days. We have all these little family traditions, like no phones or computers, and the list of movies we need to watch. The first thing we do when we get there is put on the matching pajamas my mom buys us each year, make spiked hot chocolate and cookies, where we eat half the dough before we even get them into the oven. We play games and listen to Christmas songs and talk about old times.”
“That sounds nice.” The expression on his face is filled with longing and pain. “Makes sense why you’d want to be close to it.”
I snuggle closer into him, wanting to give him my warmth. To somehow make up for the lack of cozy safety in his own life. “I ignored it at first, but about a week later, it was eleven at night on a Friday. I was stuck in a conference room eating cold takeout and staring out a high-rise window, and I realized that it wasn’t the life I wanted. I didn’t even care about the money. I didn’t have time to spend it. I wanted to be with my family. I love my job, but I don’t want to be my job, you know?”
“I do.”
I smile at him. “I guess I’m just a small-town girl at heart.”
“You’re a brave woman.”
“Not really. I just know what I want.”
We fall silent for a bit, content in the quiet with nothing but crickets and the rustle of leaves as background music.
Shoulder to shoulder, he nudges me. “I needed to see you.”
His words warm me all over. “I needed to see you too.”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he takes my hand. “I’m not used to needing to see someone. Is it too fast?”
“Do you care?” I twine my fingers with his.
He brushes his thumb along the dip of my waist. “I don’t think I do.”
“Good. Me either.”
He clears his throat. “It’s not scaring you away?”
“Not even a little bit.” I meet his gaze. “Is it scaring you away?”
“I feel like I might be crazy, but no.”
“We can be crazy together.” I straighten, rising and holding out my hand to him. “Ready to treat me like your own personal fucktoy?”
He rises to join me. “God yes.”
“Then come with me.” I lead him through the house and up the stairs, where we stop every couple of steps to giggle and kiss, trying to be quiet while being too loud.
When we finally make it to the second floor, I don’t turn toward my bedroom. Instead, I take him to the bathroom, pushing open the door. I peer back at him. “This is what sold me on the house.”
