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She wanted him to do all the work.
And suddenly she got it. This wasn’t about Luke having to prove himself or earn anything from her. She gave it all freely, because she knew this man, and she loved and trusted him so much.
‘I’m sorry for walking out on you in Tokyo,’ she said. Luke didn’t answer. ‘You thought I didn’t trust you and I can see how you would think that. How it looked that way. But the truth is I didn’t trust myself. I was protecting myself, because I was so afraid of feeling like I did before. Out of control. Lost.’
‘You’d only feel that way if I left you, if I let you down.’
‘No. I never thought you’d let me down. I just...I saw you looking tense and angry with Aaron, and I knew he was probably telling you to forget me—’
‘And you thought I’d listen?’
‘No. But just the possibility had me panicking, and that scared me. I felt out of control already, and I didn’t want that. But the thing I’ve finally realised—at least I’m starting to—is that love requires a loss of control. A giving of trust. And I was fighting against that because it still scared me.’
Luke was silent for a long moment. ‘And now?’ he finally asked.
‘I’m still scared,’ Aurelie admitted. ‘I wish I wasn’t, but I am. This is all terrifying for me, and I’ll probably panic again. But I know I’m miserable without you, and I want to make this work. I want to be with you...if you still want to be with me.’ Luke didn’t say anything, and so she kept speaking, the words tumbling from her mouth, her heart. ‘I know I’ll mess up again, and I’ll probably even hurt you. We’ll hurt each other but I won’t run away and I’ll keep trying to change. It’s a process.’ She pointed to the foundation’s sign. ‘A metamorphosis takes a little time, you know.’
‘I know. You’re not the only one who needs to change.’
She swallowed, made herself say the hardest and most vulnerable words of all. The most changing. ‘I love you, Luke.’
He didn’t speak and Aurelie felt dizzy with nerves. Maybe she needed to check her blood sugar. ‘Say something,’ she managed, ‘or you might have to dunk me in the sink a second time.’
Luke didn’t say anything, though. He just crossed the room in two long strides and pulled her into his arms before he finally spoke. ‘I love you too,’ he said. ‘So much. I’m sorry I ever walked away from you.’
‘I’m not,’ Aurelie answered, ‘even though these last few weeks have been hell. I needed to be the one to walk to you for once.’
‘Well, now neither of us is going anywhere,’ Luke muttered against her throat, and then he was kissing her and Aurelie felt dizzier than ever. Dizzy with joy.
* * * * *
