Safe.He understood the implication. Patrick could have told her that he felt safer with gay people than he did with the self-righteous, bigoted “Christians” who frequented his parents’ church and others like it. But he didn’t tell her. It wouldn’t do any good, wouldn’t further their relationship. His parents believed what they believed and would continue to do so until God changed their hearts and their minds.
Patrick nodded and moved toward the door.
“So… nothing happened?”
Patrick halted, his back to his mom. “Like what?”
“I don’t know.”
He turned around, feeling weary in his soul. “What did you think might happen?”
“I don’t know.”
Yes, you do—or you wouldn’t have asked.
“Nothing happened,” he mumbled. “I’m tired. I think I’ll take a nap before dinner.” He exited the kitchen through the basement door, his mother staring after him.
Most days, with God’s help, he could deal with the veiledriftbetween himself and his parents. They all still loved each other; he knew without a doubt. Their problems would be settled over time; he had faith in that. But today, that rift felt like a canyon—deep and wide. When he needed their advice the most, they weren’t there for him. How could he confide in them about Derek and the way Derek made him feel? He didn’t understand it himself and they would offer no comforting or insightful wisdom. They would strongly urge him not to waver from the path of “celibacy” and single life because, as a gay man, that was hisonlychance at salvation.
Patrick dropped on the bed and stared at the ceiling. His throat knotted and tears filled his eyes. He didn’t understand why he was so upset. Because of his parents? Derek? Both?
Derek most of all.
Butwhy?Derek was a total stranger.
Maybe it’s love at first sight.
The notion terrified him—he hadn’t planned oneverfalling in love. But when their eyes met that very first time—somethingclickeddeep inside him. Something he’d never felt before… like a door had flung open. A door that now refused toclose.
No, God, please. I don’t want this. I just want to please you. Please protect me and keep me strong.
Turning onto his stomach, he pressed his face into the pillow, swallowing thickly.
“Please don’t call,” he whispered as tears seeped from his eyes into the pillowcase and, deep inside, his heart quietly countered,please…do.
