“I didn’t want to go alone.” He leaned against Derek’s arm and rested his head on his shoulder. They had only kissed once since the fundraiser, and that was about three days ago. Even with the second kiss, Derek hadn’t initiated it. He held true to his commitment and wasn’t pushing Patrick to take steps he wasn’t ready for. Patrickwantedto, at least, kiss more… but Derek’s kiss was powerful and played with his senses. He feared that he would give in and have sex with Derek too soon… and regret it afterward. That couldn’t happen. Their first time couldn’t be like that. Theybothdeserved more.
“Do you think Brian will call you back?” Derek asked.
Patrick couldfeelDerek wanting to put his arm around him, hold him, but he didn’t initiate that move any more than he did the kissing. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Probably not. I kind of feel like I threwusin his face at the fundraiser. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Derek sat with his legs bent and arms resting on his knees. He stared out toward the woods. “Do you regret kissing me?”
“What?” Patrick straightened. “No. I just shouldn’t have done it in front of Brian like that.”
“Maybe he needed to see it.” Derek turned his head, gazing at Patrick. “How long do you think it’s been since he’s seen two men kiss?”
“I-I don’t know. We have Side A Christians in our church, and I know of a few who are in relationships. But I’ve never seen them do anything more than hold hands. I mean, at church. I’m sure they kiss when they’re away from church. And we’ve seen random gay couples kiss now and then.”
“I know. But seeing it up close, when it’s someone you know… that’s different. Especially when that person is you.”
“Why would it be good for him to see it?”
“Sometimes it takes a shock like that to jar loose things you’ve locked away inside. I don’t believe for one second that Brian actually wants to be straight—or even believes, deep down, that it’s wrong to be in a physical relationship. I just think this tragedy with his brother has him all messed up inside, tied into so many knots that he can’t untie on his own. And going to conversion therapyis notgoing to help that problem. They’re going to make it worse. Brian needs to see a therapist, someone trained to help peopleuntiethose kinds of mental knots.”
Patrick sighed, laying his head on Derek’s shoulder again. “I told him that. But he doesn’t listen to me anymore.”
“Well, listen to Gideon, and don’t give up on him. I think there’s hope for him.”
“So, do I,” Patrick whispered, “but I’m worried about him. I’m worried about the damage they’ll do in conversion therapy. He’s already filled with so much pain and guilt—and conversion therapy is known for piling on its own pain and guilt. What if Brian can’t take any more?”
“We’ll pray for him—allof us. Even Lucas the skeptic.” He laid his cheek against Patrick’s head. “God will take care of him, I’m sure of it.”
Patrick teared up as Derek just stole another piece of his heart.
