Adeline jerked her face from his grip, backing up a step, then another when he reached for her again. She needed the space to see him properly, to take in the full picture—to let him seeher, too.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said firmly.
Too firmly, maybe, from the way Ger’s face shuttered. The instinct rose in her at once to step in again and soothe that hurt, to soften her words. But before she could right it, Ger’s jaw set, something hot rolling over his brow. She knew in an instant that he was going to regret whatever he said next.
“What’s keeping you, Ade? Kai doesn’t want you here anyway.”
She flinched all the same, and just as she’d known it would, Ger’s face fell.
“Ade, shit—I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Kailovesme.”
“Of course he does,” said Ger, and his adamant tone echoed the exact cadence of her own. He nodded vigorously, too,overcompensating just a touch in his remorse. “Ofcoursehe does. If he didn’t, he’d be an even bigger idiot than I am.”
Ger raked a hand down his face, pulling his hair over his brow and then groaning into his own palm. He made such a pathetic sight that Adeline wanted nothing more than to hug him, idiot though he was. She knew from experience, though, that coddling him would do more harm than good. He needed to sit with himself a moment, even if it was uncomfortable. So, she set her lip in a firm line and, with her arms crossed, retreated to the settee once more. Only when he didn’t move to follow her did she give in and pat the seat beside her.
“What’s going on, Ger?”
He dragged his palm the rest of the way over his face, peering over his fingers at her with some of that odd charge in his eyes diluted. When he moved to join her, every step was reluctant, and he sighed as he sat, the breath gusting out of him.
“Do you know when I first knewIloved you?” he said, finally.
Adeline stiffened, but at the pleading look on Ger’s face, she indulged him with a hesitant shake of her head.
“No,” she said quietly. “When?”
“It was that day in the stables, remember? You were down there, fussing over Papou as usual, and I was a brand new initiate trying to coax my stupid, stubborn horse out of the pen. You tossed me an apple to feed him, and when I fell over trying to catch it and winded myself, youlaughedat me. Cruel little thing that you were.” Ger laughed then too, hoarse and short-lived before he forced his gaze up to meet hers. He struggled to hold her eye, earnest anddeeplyuncomfortable with it, like he meant every word and still wished he could keep it to himself. “It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. Then you cameover, still giggling and trying to hide it, and when you hauled me to my feet, that smile knocked the breath from me all over again.Thatwas when I knew.”
She blinked at him.
“Ger, that was the first time we met.”
“I know, I’mwildlyromantic.” He huffed, then scooted urgently closer. “That’s not the point. I’ve been thinking about that day because—well, there’s this other smile. And it didn’t bowl me over right away like yours did. It’s more like—”
The tips of Ger’s ears turned alarmingly pink, and his gaze flicked away, but he forced it back to her and held it through every word.
“It’s more like it picked me back up.”
Adeline’s chest throbbed.
“Ger,” she said softly, and reached for his hand. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in months.”
And it was. What he was saying waslovely. Even more so because she knew how hard it was for him to express those kinds of feelings; they’d always understood that about one another, bonded over it even if they never said it aloud. So for him to tell her now how hard he’d fallen meant more than either of them could put into words.
He didn’t seem to agree.
“It’s a disaster, Ade. Caring about someone, in this palace? Youknowshe used you to torment Kai, even when you weren’t here. Jack ishere. He’s here, being fucking wonderful and doing stupid things like delivering food to my rooms and squaring upto the Queen’s Gard. I had to peel Benan off him not even an hour ago.”
He’d gotten more agitated with every word, but he took a long breath now and turned his hand in hers so their palms met.
“That’s why,” he said carefully, lacing his fingers with hers, “I think we should just go. It’s safer. Foreveryone.”
Adeline pulled her hand from his.
“I couldn’t do that.”
Ger glanced down at the space between them, but there was nothing but resignation in the drop of his gaze. No slump to his shoulders, no sorrow in the way he tucked his chin. Just complete, apathetic acceptance.
