… I just need to know that you’re okay…
The knocking on the front door causes me to limp over to it.
I’ve been staying with my mom for a few days now and she is getting suffocating again. Don’t get me wrong, my mom is exceptional, but ever since I came home from Germany, she likes to hover. The hovering drives me fucking crazy. She also often treats me like I’m an invalid. I can still do shit. I don’t need fucking help.
Opening the door, I’m surprised when I see Ash standing on the other side. “What do you want?” I look at him and he sighs.
“You forgot this.” He hands over my cut and I just look at him. I continue to stare at it, waiting for the joke to come, before he lets out a slight chuckle and adds, “It’s a fucking olive branch. Just take it before I change my mind.” He snaps and I can see that he’s still fucking pissed off at me, but that he’s trying… I guess.
“Why are you here?” I ask him as I take the cut, opening the door wider for him to walk through.
“Two reasons.” He looks around the house before looking back at me. “The second, less important reason is that after my wife hasn’t talked or acknowledged me for the better part of a week, I have realized that I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” He tells me and I’m shocked that he just admitted to it and I can also tell that he’s actually making a poor attempt at saying sorry… kind of. “The more pressing issue is that no one has seen Ella since Care and Billie dropped her off at her car.”
“I did.” I tell him. “She came by that night. Said she wanted to check on me.” The irritated look on his face from this doesn’t faze me as I groan out loud as I think about our conversation… about what I said to her. “She told me goodbye after I told her the club was all I had. I was too in my fucking head to realize what she was saying.” Even with how mad Ash is at me right now. And even as much as he hates the fucking thought of Ella and me together. Even he grimaces at that comment. “I have a feeling that she was thinking of leaving town when she got here. I drove her to it.” I internally kick myself.
“That’s what Care said.” He nods his head. “I asked her how she could know that and she said that it’s what she would have done.” He just laughs as he shakes his head some more.
We’re standing in the hallway for longer than I care to as a silence falls on us and it’s as if neither of us knows what to say.
“Drink?” I ask him as he just nods along.
We walk out the backdoor to the beach before I pull out my phone and call her. I’m not completely surprised when it goes to voicemail and I just look over at Ash and shake my head. Then the line beeps and I hesitate. Do I leave a voicemail? Do I say what I want to in front of Ash?
Stepping ahead of where he stands, so at least that way I don’t have to look at him when I tell her what I want to, I start. “El, where are you? I’m so sorry that it blew up like it did. I’m sorry for what I said.” I pause, sighing quickly before I continue. “Babydoll, please call, text, fuck, send a goddamn carrier pigeon. I don’t care, I just need to know that you’re okay.”I love you.But I can’t say that last part. I never told her and the first time I say it to her can’t be through a voicemail. “We’re all worried about you.”
“Fuck,” I can hear Ash mutter as I hang up the phone and then I look back. He’s shaking his head and I can see that he’s still pissed and hearing my voicemail just pissed him off more. “How the fuck did this happen?” He asks me, curious, with anger still sitting behind his eyes, though.
“I tried not to.” I shrug, looking at him.
“What do you mean?”
“You ever feel like there's something that no matter how much you tell yourself that it’s a bad thing for you. You end up doing that exact thing?”
“How do you think I ended up with a wife and two kids on the way?”
Looking over at him, shocked. “Caroline’s pregnant?” When he mentions two kids on the way, I can’t help but think back to his accident and what he was saying. Clearly, that’s just a coincidence. “Congrats?” I ask, causing him to laugh out, nodding his head slightly.
“I mean, we weren’t really trying, but we also weren’t trying to stop it either, if that makes sense.”
“Yeah, you excited?” I ask him as I sip the beer.
“Terrified is more like it.”
“You’ll be fine.” I nod to him, knowing him, and his fucked up family, what his woes may be.
“How do you know?”
“Ella.” I shrug before a scoff comes out of his mouth.
“Please, she told me the other day that I was not her dad.” It makes me laugh out loud.
“I think we all know that she can be a bit of a hothead,” He laughs at my statement. “But you helped, more than anyone else would have. She turned out great, and she has nothing but praises about you.” He continues to stare out over the water as he sips his beer. And I realize his problem with everything that happened. He’s not on board with us being together, but he’s probably just as hurt about us hiding it from him as he is pissed at us being together.
“I should get back. Care has been miserable the last few days.” He nods before he stands and walks towards the house again.
“Ash,” I call out, looking back at him as he stops. “We were going to tell you.” He slowly turns around and looks at me. “At first it was new, the level of pressure… we weren’t ready for that. But we had talked about it that morning. We were just trying to figure out a way to tell you, you know, without you beating the shit out of me,” He actually laughs out before he slowly nods his head, understanding.
“We’ve got church later today. Don’t be late.” He nods before he walks through the house. Turning around, I look at my phone, hoping maybe I had missed the phone call. Maybe she had called me back.
