“We used to come up here a long time ago and get high.” Ro tells me causing me to look back at him.
“And fuck…” I trail hearing Care laugh out loud in front of us as Ro groans from behind me.
“Oh, but you told her about that.”
Caroline laughs as she spins around on her foot and starts to walk backwards. “I did, but obviously not the whole story.”
“Not the whole story?” I repeat her words back.
“Nope, I cannot… pot first.” She laughs as we come up to a wooden picnic table.
“Didn’t you just have a baby? Why are you smoking?” Ro asks, looking past me and at her.
“It’s fine. I was pretty notorious last time for not producing nearly enough for one of the boys. So, I didn’t even try this time.” She shrugs, and I think I see a slight defeated look come across her, as if she’s disappointed in herself for it, even if it’s something that she has no control over.
Sitting around the picnic table, the three of us pass around a joint until it’s just ash, and Ro frowns when he takes the last puff.
“Oh.” Caroline sits up from laying out across the bench seat on the opposite side of the table. “Guys, guys, guys… oh yeah, you need to talk. All that shit you gave me.” She cuts her eyes at him.
He still hesitates until Caroline sighs and leans in. “Look, we met in a foster home. It wasn’t a good home. It wasn’t all butterflies and rainbows. It was dark. I was only there for a few months. Ro dealt with it more than I did.”
“I thought this wasn’t your story.”
“You were taking too long.” She waves him off as her words make both of us giggle.
“How was it not good.” I ask her as I get the giggle-fit under control and she looks at Ro, who just looks down, picking at the flaking wood on the tabletop. Caroline shuffles in her seat, uncomfortable, both of us waiting for him to talk.
“Technically,” Ro starts next to me, “I was the first person that Caroline ever had sex with…” He trails and I can hear the shame in his voice.
“What?” I ask looking from Caroline to Ro. I know that what he’s trying to say is heavier than the words themselves, because we’ve already established that they slept together.
“We were forced to do things.” He leaves it purposefully vague and I have no intentions to push him further on it. “There were a lot of videos.”
“So many videos.” Caroline shakes her head, pulling her knees to her chest. I can see the underlining trauma still taunting and pulling at the both of them.
“How did you guys get out of there?” I ask them seeing the pain on both of their faces.
“Caroline killed him.”
“What?” I’m sure I have to pick up my fucking jaw from the ground. Now it makes more sense why everyone is afraid of her.
“It was a lucky shot.” She shrugs, downplaying the whole thing. “I had only been there for a few weeks. I was still feral. Ro was there for longer.”
“How long?” I turn in my seat looking back at him.
“3 years.” It comes out in a whisper.
“Holy shit.” I hear the words but not in my voice. Caroline’s sitting stunned as he talks as well. “I never knew that.”
“It’s fine. That part of my life is over. You asked me where I went. I went there.” He says turning and looking at me. As fucked up as it all is, this understanding lets me relax again, realizing that it was okay to let myself feel safe with him. “I don’t do really well with waking up in compromising situations.” He shrugs. I can tell that this conversation is difficult for him.
“You don’t have to…” I whisper as I glance over still seeing Caroline with her knees up to her chest and her head leaning on them.
“I told you with what happened, you deserve an explanation.” He pauses.
I reach over and put my hand on his and he looks up at me. “You don’t have to say anymore if you don’t want to. Or you can tell me more when you’re ready, but I don’t expect you too.”
He turns over his hand and holds mine. “I had just turned 14 when I got there.” He starts talking and Caroline even looks interested, I realize that she doesn’t even know this story, not the whole story at least. That he’s only discussing it because I’m here and what happened. Sighing, he glances back over at Caroline and says, “Can we light another?” She nods her head quickly and hands him another pre-rolled. He puts it between his lips and lights the end. He inhales, causing the tip to glow red, and then exhales the smoke before he gestures it towards me, and I oblige. “My mom was just sentenced for a long time, and I knew I wasn’t going back again. I had only been back with her for a few months before she was arrested... I was feeling alone, broken, and he could fucking sense it.” He shakes his head. “I was only there a few weeks before I woke up in the basement. He would drug and drag us down there. He would handcuff us to the bed…” He trails. I tighten my grip on his hand to try and be more reassuring.
