She shuffles on the couch, and I sit up, more alert this time.
“Feeling better?” I ask her and she nods her head.
“Yeah.”
“Fury and Ella left a little while ago.”
“Thank God.” It makes me smirk as she sits up further. “That sounds so fucked up, I know. I just don’t know how to be around her without blurting everything out.”
“Would that be the worst thing?”
“She’ll punch me,” I pause, “in the face.”
It makes me laugh out loud as she sits up further a silly grin on her face.
“She will, I mean, we were best friends for years. Did everything together.” She pauses, sighing again. “She was always the sane one, kept me off tables.” I’m sure I raise my eyebrow at her making her laugh. “Making sure that I was taken care of, well until…” She suddenly stops causing me to sit up a little more and looking at her.
“What happened?”
“I’m not exactly sure. She never told me exactly what happened, but she showed up one night and was different. I didn’t notice it at first, but she was seeing Jake, he was this guy we knew, hung out in the same circle that we did. His family is loaded. She dropped him quickly and at the same time she started drinking heavily and doing drugs with everyone. Suddenly she wasn’t a virgin anymore. Then one morning she woke me up after one of the parties and as we were leaving Jake drove past the house and she froze.” Her eyes drop. “She didn’t need to tell me what happened. I’ve seen that look she had in her eyes. That sheer fear mixed with digest… in who she was looking, in herself….” She trails off and I pull her foot closer towards me.
“What happened?” I ask her, I already know, because I may have helped out on occasion.
“He raped her. She never told me, but I know he did.” She shakes her head. “Her and Axe showed up at a party once and she froze, she gripped onto Axe and Jake stared them down the entire time. Got pissed off and left shortly after they did.”
“Why?”
“He was terrified of Axe. And he was pissed off that he couldn’t keep that fear over her.”
I nod my head because I understand that feeling. I also know how people react when they no longer hold that power. “I was thinking and let’s get you over this little bit before we plan to go out to Palm Springs.” I watch her as she slowly nods her head.
“I mean, what’s another couple more weeks, my parents already hate me.” I just tilt my head and look at her. “Well, I’m not sure if they hate me, they were just never good parents to me.” She stops suddenly and looks up at me. “Shit, sorry. I shouldn’t say that—”
“It’s cool.” I shrug. “My mother was in and out of prison for most of my life. Hence the foster homes.”
She slowly nods her head. “We were kind of close until I was 16.”
“What happened?”
She takes a long breath before she looks up at me. “I had been having these nightmares for about a year. In them, I was being forced to hide underneath a bed. That’s all I could remember, but it was driving me crazy. I knew more was happening. I had this underlining fear in them that would linger over after I woke up. Whoever I was hiding from was looking for me and whoever was hiding me… well, he wasn’t doing it with good intentions. Then I realized that it wasn’t a dream, but was a memory I had suppressed for at least a decade.” I sit up a little further as I look at her, her leg coming up over my lap as I move closer to her. “It was like when I remembered it. It came flooding back at once and I completely fucking broke down over it.” I don’t speak, but I let her continue when she’s ready. “It was my babysitter’s house. And I was maybe 6, at the oldest, and I only know that because that’s when I stopped going over there. I don’t remember everything that happened, how often it happened, or when it first started. And I fucking hope, to God, I never do. But I remember that her son would make me hold his…” She trails off, but I can already feel the rage filling me. “His mom had come looking for me which is why I was hiding under the bed.”
“How old was he?”
“I have no idea. Old enough…”
“What did your parents say?”
“I dunno.” She pauses, and I’m not sure if it’s because she isn’t sure or she never told them. “I know that they knew, I remembered my dad screaming at me about it, too the point that I was hysterical, but we never spoke about it.”
“Fuck, Nightmare, you were a child.” I look at her mortified.
“I know.” She just shrugs her shoulders before she looks forward. She shakes her head as she looks back at me. “Ella’s the only other person I’ve told.”
“Ah, she did mention something vague earlier.”
“I know she did. I heard her.” She tells me smiling, and when she starts speaking again, it’s in a lower voice. “I also heard what you said.” I’m almost embarrassed causing myself to look away. “Ro, that’s the nicest thing that anyone has ever said about me.” She whispers as she moves across the couch and then presses her lips to mine. She moves until straddles my lap. Her kiss isn’t forceful as it was last night, but it’s soft and gentle. It’s her way of thanking me and letting me know the emotion that she’s currently feeling. My hands run up her sides before I tangle one into her hair and rest the other on her hip, both pulling her into me, but not deepening the kiss.
Finally, as I’m teetering on the edge of, I’m not sure I’ll be able to make a clear conscious decision, I pull away from her before I can no longer stop myself. She whimpers as I pull away from her.
