I can’t move as he revs the engine and moves out of the parking lot. Feeling the weight of everything, wanting to change my mind, wanting to tell him to stay, wanting to forgive him.
But I’m still mad at him, and I know as soon as the lust-haze dissipates with the distance, the anger will be back.
The longer I stand on the sidewalk, watching him, the feeling that I’m being watched creeps through me.
Glancing around, I see the culprit as I recognize the bike sitting in the neighboring parking lot. My brother looks at me before backing out the bike and then riding across the street and back into the lot for my building.
“I guess I was wrong.” I mutter to myself.
He kicks over the bike and walks the couple of steps back to me.
“I’m sorry.”
Cutting my eyes at him. “I’m not the only one you should apologize to.”
“Oh, I’m not sorry for that.” He points in the direction Eli rode off in. “You’re right. I didn’t know what I was doing… with any of it. You were still a kid; you needed —”
“Stop, I didn’t need another parent. I’ve only ever needed you to be my brother and to be there for me.”
He nods his head, and I swear I think I see a slight tear in his eye.
“They raised us to be okay without them, and as long as we lean on each other when we need it, nothing can break us. The problem is that somewhere along the way we forgot that part.” I pause, both of us nodding. “But I’m okay. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve had my heart broken, but because of the way they raised us, I’m okay.”
“You have her strength.” He smiles as he tells me.
“The thing is, if she would’ve lived, I don’t think she would’ve been okay.”
“You’re right, it would have broken her.” He shakes his head.“Love makes you act in ways you never thought you could.”
“I know.” I whisper.
It’s almost comical when Z looks back in the direction that Eli drove off in.
“Don’t be mad at him forever; let him explain.”
He turns, looking at me, and I can still see the anger all over his face. “How do you think Dad would feel about this?”
It almost makes me laugh as I nod my head. “I know he’d be okay with it.”
“How?” he snips out at me.
“Odi et amo.” I whisper.
“What?” he pauses.
Z expression changes as he looks back at me.
“It’s what his tattoo says, the ink was to show you guys that he was telling the truth, but the words were for me.”
“Did he tell you why he kept it a secret?”
“He did. He told me everything.” I nod along.
“And what was it?”
“Na uh, that’s between you two. You wanna find out why, you talk to him.”
“You forgive him for whatever it is he did. I’m still not exactly sure what, and honestly, I’m pretty sure it’s best if I never know.”
