He’s been in my life for so long, and the thought of losing him is unbearable.
The thought of waking up without an annoying voice every morning telling me the pancake is slightly burned makes me sick.
The thought of going to training and not having an Italian, brunette boy slightly bumping into me every time he’s close enough makes me even more sick.
The thought of not having a guy I can tell anything to, except the very bad things I tell no one, and he won’t call the police, makes me want to throw up.
My head starts to throb from the swirl of emotion, guilt, fear, and relief all jumbled together.
“So, tell me, Tills,” Yana says, her voice low but firm. “Do you like him… or not?”
I take a shaky breath, feeling the tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I trust her with everything. I let my head speak, as always.
“Nope. Still platonic. Nothing more. I like him as a friend. That’s it.”
Yana’s lips twitch in a relieved way. “Ok, good.” She smiles. “That’s good.”
I exhale, my chest loosening slightly.
The tension in my shoulders eased, though a few tears still burn behind my eyes.
I realize Yana would never judge me for anything.
“I’m glad I told you,” I whisper, my voice shaking a little. “I was scared. That’s the only reason I didn’t before.”
She reaches over, grabs my hand, and squeezes it. “Tilly, I’m not mad. You don’t have to protect your heart from me. You don’t have to hide anything.Ever.And you know what? I’m proud of you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
I let out a shaky laugh, relief mixing with the lingering anxiety. “You’re the best. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You’ll never have to find out,” she says, smirking a little. “I’ve got your back.”
I smile. “Same here.”
You lucky girl.
Yana is understanding, but that doesn’t change the fact that she, and everyone else, has no idea about the truth.
You are so stupid.
How could you just mess up everything?
You think you are the luckiest girl in the world, going to all these fancy events, with fancy people, with fancy jobs.
You think that everything will be fine because there you were, sitting on red chairs.
Guess what, you were only invited because you are not yourself.
Tilly, you innocent idiot.
Yana only likes you because she thinks you are funny.
Does she, though?
Maybe she is lying to you. Maybe she doesn’t actually love you.
Who are we kidding? Of course, she doesn’t.
Do you know why?
