Plastering on a fake smile, not because she can see it, but to remind myself to remain calm and not engage with her. “Rehashing the past doesn’t change anything. I’m focused solely on the future and believe it’s good to at least know some basic information about him. Nothing may come from this.”
“Are you doing this because of Jake?”
“What? No. Why would you think that?”
“You had zero interest in finding your father when you were engaged to Brian. Now, you’ve hired some fancy private investigator to track him down as if you’re desperate to have him in your life. Whose idea was that? Yours or Jake’s?”
Huh? Where is she going with this line of questioning? It doesn’t make sense, even for her.
“It was my idea,” I answer dryly, doing everything in my power to control the tone of my voice, immensely grateful this isn’t a video call. “Jake’s team is merely coordinating everything with the private investigator.”
“I find that hard to believe, Katherine. Perhaps you need to reconsider whether this is the lifestyle you want for yourself and your loved ones. You and Jake have only been together a few months, and I’ve already had countless people traipse across my yard, read frivolous articles about us, and watched Judy’s memory be desecrated. Now you’re about to force me to relive my divorce. For what? To further Jake’s career?”
This is a new one. Haven’t heard her rip into Jake’s career choice yet and how it impacts her. Because, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what she wants and needs. Nothing else.No oneelse.
It took me a long time to realize this about her and the impact her behavior has on my mental health. It’s why I have worked so hard to set clear boundaries when it comes to my mother. WhyI won’t tolerate her tearing me down anymore. Why I limit how often we talk.
I sigh, rubbing my temples as I stare at the phone. “None of this is about furthering Jake’s career. If he could make the invasion of my privacy stop, he would do it in an instant. I already told you about how he was willing to scrap his entire album if it made me uncomfortable.”
“Or so he says. It’s really convenient for him that you agreed to go along with it.” Her tone is laced with a combination of annoyance and doubt. “When push comes to shove, do you know what Jake will choose? The career he’s spent almost an entire lifetime working for. Or the firstallegedlyserious relationship he’s ever had. It wouldn’t surprise me if things between the two of you end in the next few months. Where will that leave you? Alone.Again.”
Damn. That one hurt. My eyes fill with tears as the bravery I had at the beginning of this call wanes. She’s intentionally preying on my worst fears. Casting doubt on how Jake feels about me. My worthiness.
“I’m not going to defend my relationship. I’ll talk to you later,” I say, my voice trembling as I abruptly end the call before she can get in another barb.
Even though I knew this might happen, I wasn’t prepared for the emotional onslaught her words would bring. Pulling my knees to my chest, I try to focus on my breathing as tears stream down my face, reminding myself that she’s wrong. What Jake and I have is real. This is forever. We’re meant to be.
Every part of me believes it, except for this tiny kernel lodged in the back of my mind. The one that grew slightly bigger after talking to her, and now has a very small part of me questioning whether there could be any truth to what she’s saying.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
kate
“I’m soglad you called, Kate,” Sophia says after she answers the FaceTime from the comfort of her husband’s tour bus. “Which state are you in today? How are things?”
“New York. This weekend is all East Coast amphitheaters,” I reply, leaning against the arm of the couch with my legs spread out. “And just questioning the meaning of life and what I’m going to do with the rest of mine. You know, a typical Saturday afternoon as Jake Caldwell’s girlfriend.”
Sophia chuckles. “I remember those days. It happened early on in my relationship with Luke when I started to realize my life wasn’t necessarily mine anymore.” She shakes her head gently. “God, it was hard back then. I do not miss those days.”
“Does that mean it gets better? If not, I need you to lie and tell me it does.”
“I wish I could tell you there is a date in the not-so distant future when your life will become easier, but that hasn’t happened to me yet.” She sighs and adjusts her position on the couch. “Every serious, successful relationship has a point when your lives need to blend together and you become a true team. Unfortunately, you and I have the bonus of that team,including a manager, publicist, tour manager, record label, assistant, band, and the list goes on. We’re in a relationship with one person, but that person happens to be in a long-term and very committed relationship witha lotof other people. All of which depend on him for their livelihood. It can make things…complicated.”
“Tell me about it,” I reply, quickly getting Sophia up to speed on what’s been happening and how I’m feeling. “How did you handle the boredom on tour? It was fun for a while, but now I can’t help but think of all the other things I could be doing if I weren’t stuck on this damn bus. I’m tempted to take a break for a couple of weekends.”
Sophia’s expression becomes solemn, and she briefly looks away from the screen, almost like she’s checking to see whether anyone else is around. “I wouldn’t advise that.”
My face scrunches, confused by her comment. “Why not?”
Her shoulders fall. “It’s not something I like to talk about, but I don’t want you to endure what I went through. It was one of the worst times of my life.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay. Remember how I mentioned Luke and I were very on-again, off-again the first year we dated?”
I nod silently, curious where she’s going with this.
She blows out a loud breath. “One of the times we were off-again, he ended up sleeping with someone else—a fan who he met at the concert. It was nothing more than a quick weekend hookup.” She pauses for a few seconds. “He didn’t tell me about it because we weren’t together when it happened. I didn’t find out until the gossip started circulating on social media a few months later. We were back together by that point, and the same woman tried to reconnect with him via DMs. He politely shot her down, and let’s just say, she did not take it very well.”
