I chuckle. Leave it to Jake to bring a smile to my face when I’m struggling emotionally. “I’ll call him tomorrow. I don’t want to spend any more time talking about my dad or the past tonight. We should be celebrating our home.”
Jake raises his eyebrows, and a sly grin appears. “What did you have in mind?”
“Didn’t you say something about dessert?” I ask, slowly getting up from the couch. “But you’ll have to catch me if you want it.”
I take off running with Jake on my heels. Once I reach the second floor, I let him catch me and take me into his arms. He carries me into our bedroom, and we spend the rest of the night wearing no clothes and worshipping each other’s bodies.
The next day, Jake sits by my side on the couch, holding my hand as I call my dad. The phone rings three times before I hear his voice.
“Hello, Kate,” my dad says, a slight tremble in his voice.
“Hi, Dad,” I reply, filled to the brim with nerves.
“I’m glad you called. I wasn’t sure if you would.”
How does he expect me to respond to that? I’m the one who reached out to him. And yet he’s acting like he was worriedIwouldn’t want to talk tohim? None of that makes any sense.
“Maybe I could start telling you about my life. Would that work?”
“Sure,” I answer without any emotion in my voice. It’s almost like I’m a robot, unable to feel anything. Locking down everyfeeling I have about this until I’m ready to process it. It’s the only way I can survive this call, no matter how it goes.
“I live in Arizona with my wife, Sarah, and my son, Aaron. I met Sarah after I moved here. We quickly fell in love and got married. Aaron is seventeen and plays baseball. He’ll be headed to college next fall.” He pauses for a moment. “I guess that means you technically have a stepmother and half brother. Sarah is an incredible wife and mother. It felt like I won the lottery when I met her. And Aaron’s such a great young man.”
My muscles tense hearing him talk about his new family with such high regard. Jake squeezes my hand and kisses my temple.
“We’re a really close family. Always doing stuff together on the weekends. Sarah and I never miss Aaron’s baseball games. We’re hoping he’ll end up going to college somewhere nearby so we can keep up the tradition of watching him play every week. Arizona has some nice baseball programs that he’s considering. We’ve been on a few campus tours lately, but Aaron hasn’t picked a favorite.”
“That’s nice,” I reply, trying to remind my dad that I’m on the other line. The daughter whom he hasn’t spoken to in twenty-five years, so maybe he’ll get the hint to ask aboutmylife.
“I’m sure you probably went to college. You were always smart,” my dad adds.
My hopes rise slightly, thinking this is the moment when he’ll start taking an interest in my life, only to be dashed when he starts talking again.
“Aaron’s super smart, too. Probably going to graduate in the top five percent of his class, even after playing varsity baseball. Did I mention he also volunteers at the local animal shelter? He spends time there?—”
“I get it. Your new family is wonderful,” I say, a hint of frustration in my voice. A war rages inside of me because while I’m happy that he’s moved on and found love with someonehe clearly cares for deeply, it also triggers my insecurity about being unworthy. From everything the private investigator told us and what my dad has just shared, he’s an exceptional father to Aaron. But he couldn’t bother to ever visit me. Call me. Send a fucking card. I haven’t heard a single word from him since he left me standing in the front yard when I was eight. And he seems to be completely clueless about how that impacted me, or worse, doesn’t care.
“You sound angry. Reminds me of how your mother?—”
All the emotions I tried to keep locked away during this call burst out of the box and come roaring to life. “Excuse me? Are youseriouslyabout to compare me to my mom? You haven’t seen me for twenty-five years, and you feel the need to do what? Put me down because I’m not over the moon listening to you drone on about how wonderful your new family is.”
“That’s not what I meant?—”
“Yes, it is. Why did you bother to return my call if you don’t really want to get to know me? You haven’t asked a single question about my life.” The dam breaks as tears flood down my face, and Jake pulls me closer to him. “You left me as a child and never looked back. Do you know what that does to someone? How it makes them feel? And then I reach out to you after all these years, and all you care about is telling me how wonderful your new family is.”
He sighs loudly. “This conversation isn’t going as I planned. I don’t know what to say.”
“How about the truth? Why did you promise that nothing would change between us before you left and then never bother to see me again? Call me? Anything? I was your daughter,” I yell as tears stream down my face.
“Your mother made the situation difficult. You know how she can be,” he answers defensively. “She wouldn’t let me talk toyou on the phone and found excuses for why I couldn’t visit you shortly after I left.”
“So? How long did you try? Did you ever take her to court to see me?”
“You don’t know how your mother can be.”
I scoff. “Yes, I do. I was raised by her, so I knowexactlyhow difficult, controlling, and manipulative she can be. But you’re not answering the question. My guess is she made it hard for you for the first few weeks, then you gave up. Just like she knew you would.”
“You’re… You’re not wrong,” he replies, his voice full of sadness. “I know I should’ve tried harder to see you. But I also need to distance myself from her. She was extremely toxic, and I couldn’t move forward without cutting her out of my life.”
