“It didn’t mean you had to cut me out!”
“That was never my intention. I tried to take care of you the best I could. I paid child support every month. Contributed to your college savings account.”
“What do you want me to say? Thank you for sending money, but it’s not a big deal that you didn’t want me in your life. All I wanted was your love and attention. I didn’t need anything else.” My chest shakes as the tears come down, and Jake’s grip on my shoulder grows tighter. “But I guess I wasn’t worthy enough for your love.”
“Why did you reach out to me, Kate? You could’ve continued with your life without talking to me. Did you do it just to yell at me? Tell me all the horrible ways I’ve screwed up your life. From what I’ve seen on the internet, you’re doing fine.”
My heart drops as my nausea grows. Everything suddenly becomes clear—I have my answer. It may not be the one I had hoped and dreamed about, but it’s an answer. The closure I need to move forward.
“No, I didn’t reach out to yell at you. I had this delusional idea that we’d reconnect and become part of each other’s lives. I see that’s impossible.” I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand. “If you wanted me in your life, you would’ve kept in touch. Reached out to me at some point over the last two decades, but you didn’t.”
He doesn’t say a word. The only sound is his heavy breathing on the phone.
“If you wanted to, you would’ve done it already. I couldn’t see that until now. So, thank you for returning my call. I wish you and your family nothing but the best.”
“Okay,” he replies and ends the call.
“I’m so sorry, Kate,” Jake says, tugging me closer. “I hoped things would turn out differently.”
I lean my head against his chest, listening to his breathing and pounding heart. “It’s okay. It’s what needed to happen. Just promise me…”
“Anything. Tell me what you need, and it’s yours.”
“Promise me you’ll always be there for our kids. You’ll never leave them, no matter what.”
“Oh, Kate. I’m not going anywhere. You and our future kiddos are stuck with me for life. There is nothing and no one that couldevertake me away from you again.”
And for the first time in twenty-five years, the weight of my non-existent relationship with my dad disappears. All the worry and heartache he caused me is somehow released into the ether, no longer plaguing my heart or soul.
Instead, a new shield made of unconditional love forms around me—one created by the love Jake and I have for each other.
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
kate
Standingin the bedroom I’ve called home for over a decade, it’s hard to imagine not living here anymore. No longer being roommates with Chelsi. That all changes tomorrow when Jake and I move into our new home in Chicago.
“What do you want to do about the clothes in here? Keep them hanging or box them up?” Chelsi calls out from the inside of my small walk-in closet.
“Hanging up is fine. I’m sure we can easily lay them in the car and bring them over, rather than having the movers do it.” I fold another T-shirt and place it in the large moving box on my bed. “I can’t believe I’m actually moving out.” A pang of sadness hits me square in the chest at the thought of not coming here after work. Not seeing Chelsi every day. Living with her in Chicago is the only life I’ve known as an adult.
“Are you cryingagain?” Chelsi asks, walking out of the closet carrying a pile of shoes. “I thought we talked about this. You don’t get to be sad today. It’s our last night living together. Tears are for tomorrow.”
I shake my head and wipe away a few stray tears. “I know. I didn’t expect it would hit me this hard. It’s hard to imagine life in Chicago without living with you.”
She huffs. “That’s because I’m fucking awesome. Plus, it’s not like you’re getting rid of me that easily. I’m going to be over at your place all the time. Jake is going to be so tired of me after the first week.” She drops the pile of shoes she’s carrying into an open box. “Plus, someone has to feed me. I can’t survive forever on wine and charcuterie alone.”
I snicker. “You could always learn how to cook.”
Chelsi laughs hysterically, bending over with her hands on her knees, like my suggestion is the most preposterous idea she’s ever heard. “That… That’s fucking hilarious. And never going to happen.”
Dropping another folded shirt into the box, I turn to look at where she’s standing. “Maybe you’ll get lucky and find a man who loves to cook.”
“Oh my God, you’re serious,” she says as she tries to catch her breath. “I don’t think men who are walking red flags know how to cook.”
I arch my eyebrows and grin. “You could always try something a little different. Perhaps a man who isn’t a red flag for once? I know there are a few guys who work with Jake who would love the opportunity to take you out.”
She stands up and shakes her head. “No, thank you. Definitely don’t want to date anyone in Jake’s circle.”
