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Now she didn’t want to come to some arrangement where they married and raised their child together, but lived as virtual strangers. Now she wanted a proper husband...and not just in bed.
But how to go about getting it? Was she strong enough to reach Rafael, to keep trying even when he pulled away? To face failure and rejection and keep holding on? She wanted to be. She wanted to make this work.
The click of the door opening had her turning, her surprised gaze arrowing in on Rafael.
‘Is everything all right?’ she asked uncertainly, because he looked intent and serious and a little sad.
‘Now it is,’ he said, and relief rushed through her, along with desire, as Rafael came towards her and took her in his arms.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ALLEGRA GAZED AROUND the nursery with a smile of satisfaction. She’d made decorating the room her project over the last week, and she was proud of what she’d accomplished. Pale blue walls with stencilled white elephants cavorting across them, and a cot bed in blond oak with fresh blue sheets ready and waiting, although she didn’t actually know when their son would sleep in this room.
The doctors had said he’d be in the hospital for several weeks at least, and then she planned to keep him in a bassinet next to the bed for easy feeding in the night. Still, she was excited about the room, could picture herself in the oak rocker by the window, her son cradled against her chest, sunlight streaming through the window, the perfect picture of familial happiness. Almost.
A sigh escaping her, Allegra moved to the window and looked out at the dusty hills. It hadn’t rained in weeks and the air felt stuffy. Now in her sixth month of pregnancy, she felt huge and awkward and more than a little grumpy. She rested one hand on her belly, trying yet again to banish the fears that skirted her mind, threatened to swamp her heart.
For the last few weeks she and Rafael had reached a holding pattern of spending their nights together—and what wonderful nights they were—and the days mostly apart. While she couldn’t fault Rafael for his solicitude and kind concern, the remoteness she sensed in him, the careful emotional distance he always kept between them, made her want to scream.
She wanted more. She tried for more, but at every turn Rafael foiled her obvious conversational gambits, her clumsy attempts to increase their intimacy. Was this what love was? Because she thought—she feared—that she loved him. Or at least that she could let him, if he’d let her. If he opened up.
But since that first incredible night he’d stayed remote. He didn’t even spend the whole night with her when they made love. He held her for a little while afterwards, but he never slept with her and every morning Allegra woke to an empty bed and an aching heart.
She wanted more than this. She needed more than this. After a lifetime of trying to avoid intimacy and love, here she was, desperate for it. The very situation she’d been wary of had happened, and it felt as if there was nothing she could do about it.
‘I have to go to Naples.’
Allegra started in surprise at the sight of Rafael in the doorway of the nursery. She couldn’t tell anything from his usual, closed-off expression, but even so she felt a ripple of alarm. ‘Naples? Why? Is it business?’ He’d gone to Palermo several times a week, and Milan and Rome once each.
There was a slight, taut pause. ‘No.’
Allegra frowned. ‘No? Then...what? I mean, why?’
Rafael didn’t answer for a long moment. Allegra thought he wouldn’t. ‘My sister,’ he said finally, shocking her.
‘Your sister...but...’ She trailed off, unsure what to say. She’d thought he’d lost his sister, that she’d died. He’d spoken about her as if she was gone, and so Allegra had assumed the worst.
‘She’s not well,’ Rafael said abruptly. ‘I need to...go to her.’
Allegra stared at him, sensing the dark undercurrent of anxiety under his terse tone, and she ached to help. Wanted to comfort him, but knew he wouldn’t let her. And yet...if he kept her apart in this, what hope was there? How could she ever get closer to him?
‘Let me come with you,’ she said, part entreaty, part demand, and Rafael’s face shuttered.
