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‘No.’
‘Why not?’ Allegra challenged. ‘Please don’t keep shutting me out, Rafael, and pushing me away. If we’re going to have a child together, if we’re going to marry...’
‘You are being melodramatic. I haven’t pushed you away.’
‘Not at night,’ Allegra agreed, lifting her chin. ‘Not in bed. But in every other way you have. You know you have. I keep trying to reach you, and you keep refusing me. Please, Rafael, don’t refuse me in this. I want to support you...’
Rafael stared at her for a long moment, his expression both hard and bleak, and then he finally gave one quick, terse nod. ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘But I need to leave within the hour.’
* * *
He shouldn’t have let her come. A deep unease settled into Rafael’s gut as he climbed into the helicopter after Allegra. He hadn’t intended to let her come, of course he hadn’t. The last thing he wanted was for Allegra to see Angelica, see his shame.
But, he thought with a resolve tinged with despair, perhaps it was better this way. Perhaps, instead of having to maintain that careful distance, it would yawn between them, gape wide, because finally Allegra would see just what he was and how he’d failed.
The call had come that morning, from a doctor in Naples who had found his sister’s ID in her bag, as well as his name and phone number. She’d been discovered in an alley, unconscious, unresponsive. The last time the doctor had warned that another overdose could kill her. Angelica didn’t seem to care, and Rafael feared that was because she wanted to die. His father’s death had been quick, a single shot; his mother a slow, deliberate wasting away. Angelica was choosing self-destruction. And it was all his fault.
‘Is your sister ill?’ Allegra asked, shouting over the sound of the helicopter that would take them to Palermo for the short flight to Naples.
‘In a manner of speaking.’ Rafael turned to look out the window to avoid answering any more of Allegra’s questions. She would see soon enough what Angelica was like. What he was like.
And then? The unease he’d been feeling deepened into dark regret. Then things would be changed between them for ever.
They didn’t talk much on the flight to Naples; Allegra seemed to sense his mood and kept quiet, while Rafael kept his head down, his eyes on his tablet, dealing with work issues.
A car was waiting for them when they emerged from the airport, blinking in the afternoon sunlight, the muted roar of the city’s traffic, the raucous honking of horns and exclamations of passers-by hitting Rafael like a smack in the face. He didn’t like the busy, dirty streets of Naples. He’d offered a dozen times or more to pay for Angelica to move somewhere more congenial, but she’d always refused.
He gave the address of the hospital to the driver and then leaned back in the seat. Allegra looked at him in concern.
‘Won’t you tell me what’s going on?’ she asked quietly.
‘What is there to tell?’ Rafael shrugged, dismissing the question with a lift of his eyebrows. ‘My sister is in hospital.’ He paused, pressing his lips together. ‘A drug overdose.’
He could tell he’d shocked her with that one. And that was just the beginning.
‘What...?’ Allegra’s face crumpled with sympathy. ‘Oh, Rafael...’
‘Don’t.’ He shrugged away her compassion. ‘It happens often enough. And there’s nothing I’ve been able to do about it.’
Allegra lapsed into silence and Rafael looked away. He really shouldn’t have brought her, but perhaps it would, painfully, be for the best.
* * *
Allegra’s mouth was dry, her heart pinging in her chest, as she followed Rafael into the hospital lift. He pressed a button and then folded his arms over his chest, biceps bulging, face like an iron mask.
She’d been surprised and gratified when he’d agreed to let her come, but since he’d made that decision he’d seemed only to regret it, and he’d been colder and more remote that ever. She wondered if asking to come had been a mistake, and if Rafael would simply use this as a way to push her even further away.
The doors of the lift opened and Rafael strode out, while Allegra hurried to keep up. Then he was tapping perfunctorily on the door of a room before opening it and slipping inside. Allegra followed him.
