Chapter 41
Tessa
Gasoline by Halsey
Oxygen,silicon,aluminum,andiron…
Everything can be broken down with enough time, effort, or force.
So, why would I be any different than a fundamental element of the earth?
Theodore had briefly paused my path of destruction, but only for the years he’d worked as my bodyguard. When Alex took over, the downhill slide called to me like a siren to a ship, and I was all too willing to take the plunge into a darkened whirlpool with no way back.
I wasn’t perfect, and I knew that from a very young age.
You should have been so much more, to so many more…
I'd been burning my candle at both ends since I was born, and the flames had finally met in the middle. Leaving nothing but ashand charcoal to surround me on either side—irrevocably burnt out.
Being outed for who I’d become, who I truly was, should’ve been a massive relief—a burden I no longer had to carry, accepting who I am. But all I felt was shame and guilt.
“We’ll fix this, princess. I promise you that when we return, this will all be just a bad dream. You can depend on us to make everything right.”
His whispered words before the door to the penthouse slammed shut, and both Lucas and Levi bolted to handle damage control for a situation I had created.
They were stepping in to save my name from defamation while I continued to stand there with my feet planted in place, frozen, my mind spiraling into madness as the lingering warmth from Lucas’s touch faded from my skin.
They wouldn’t have intervened if they didn’t care… If you didn’t matter…
Reminiscent thoughts of the murder, the hatred, and my failures were all smothering me like a butterfly having been shoved into a jar with the lid screwed on tight and no holes made for oxygen.
You need to breathe through your trauma… It will all be fine… Everything will work out…
I didn’t hear a single word of the conversation between my husbands before they left. Just their muffled voices as blood rushed to my ears, pounding away like the beat of a war drum, and I settled into a state of shock at what was unfolding before my eyes. Candidphotos, leaked security footage… all of it real, all of it containing me.
Well, Evie Sinclair, not actually you… Did you forget you were wearing a wig? The pink hair?
The corners of my eyesight darkened as I lost what little sense of rationale I had left, diverting my panic from the slander in search of the only thing I kept in my possession that could make all of this go away. Something I had brought with me in case my initial escape plan failed and I was forced to return to a world where I wanted nothing more than to abandon life altogether.
Don’t do it…
All my belongings were split between Lucas and Levi’s rooms, and when I couldn’t find what I was looking for in one, I took flight into the other. A matte black, hard-body suitcase that was used when I needed my belongings to look inconspicuous.
There was a hidden compartment Theodore had installed under the interior lining of the case to conceal important documents and small items.
In the year—weeksthat followed Theodore’s absence, I discovered another way to cope with the stress and pressures of the nightmare of my so-called life. A small white bar that promised a euphoric escape, numbing my brain and allowing me to feel anything other than the pain of my existence.
You lost a part of yourself that day… when he left… didn’t you?
I was hurting. Iamhurting.My life was a fucking disaster, and the longer I stood here, pretending that everything would all be okay—
You need to take a minute and stop. Get a hold of yourself. It could always be worse. Your fans will still love you… Those who care will understand—
It wasn’t just about me anymore. I was hurting more than just myself now. My choices and actions affectedthem—these two incredible men who had fought for everything they have.
Lucas and Levi deserved far better than what I could offer. Better than someone who would only become nothing more than an unnecessary burden to their peaceful lives.
I don’t deserve them. I never did.
