I was a selfish person at heart, thinking only of myself, but I wouldn’t be that version of me anymore. Not when it came to them, the men who dropped their walls to let me in—only for me to go and fuck it all up as I always tended to do.
We’re human. We all make mistakes…
I wanted them both; more than anything. But there was a price to pay for something so precious.
Everything comes at a cost…
And this was one I could no longer afford. They were better off without me.
No, they’re not… They need you like a ship needs an anchor…
I was doing this for them.
You’re doing this for yourself… Running away instead of fighting for what you love…
What was the point of living if all you’ll ever be is another person’s burden?
Blindly reaching out, I picked up whatever pills I could manage, grasping between shaky fingers, dry swallowing every promise of escape, one right after the other in quick succession. Without the help of water, they felt like tiny shards of shattered glass against my throat on their way down—because what was pain without misery and torment.
What have you done, Tess…
Exhausted, emotionally drained, beaten and broken, I sprawled out across the floor with half of my body on the cloud-like mat, theother melting into the cool tile as I stared up at the bright white ceiling, now fading, turning gray and dark with every drawn-out blink and breath.
They wanted you… Chose you…
My fingertips and lips buzzed, ears ringing hollow to the ambient noise around me, and my head grew light as air. I probably shouldn’t have had that second glass of wine…
You failed them by choosing this…
As I surrendered to my fate, the floor beneath me vanished, and I found myself floating like a feather into the darkness I’d only brought upon myself.
But in the dark, you can’t see the walls that confine you.
In the abyss, the world islimitless.
