My chest tightens—out of guilt, out of pain, out of fear—my fingers tremble, I bury my face in my hands and sense that I’m not up to this.
Not without Nyla. I need her. I need her the way I did last night.
Or would it be better not to see her again? Safer? With her, everything could start all over again, the nightmare of Camee’s time in the hospital could come back.
Hesitantly, I pull my phone out of my pocket. Minutes pass while I stare at the black screen, constantly swinging between hope and fear.
But then I see Nyla in front of me, how she raves about her orchid. I see us dancing tango, see how her eyes shine as we do, and there it is again, that longing that has been glowing inside me more and more intensely over the past few days.
For a life that is more than just this moment. For a future with Nyla, no matter how long it may be, and also for finding some kind of peace with Camee’s death afterwards.
I want to be able to think of my little sister, to remember her, to remember everything we experienced together. No matter whether it was beautiful or painful. I don’t want to keep runningaway, not from the past, not from the future, and not from this house either.
Camee is going to get her garden.The most beautiful garden in the world.So I unlock the screen and type a message to Nyla.
Chapter Thirty-Five
NYLA
Although my muscles ache from yesterday’s dance class, I woke up with a smile today. Now I slip into some comfy sweatpants and head to the kitchen. I have a free morning ahead of me and I’m going to take it easy, with plenty of self-care, a long bath, and a leisurely breakfast. Even though I feel good, I should keep taking care of myself.
I open the door and find June pacing up and down the hallway as if in a trance. She’s already wearing her jacket and shoes, her handbag swinging at her hip.
‘From the top again,’ she mutters, pressing her fingers to her temples. ‘Could it be Crohn’s disease?’
‘June?’ I touch her arm. ‘Is everything okay?’
She looks up. Dark shadows lie under her eyes. ‘What about the fever? Where is it coming from, and why does it flare up in episodes?’
‘What are you talking about?’ She really needs to sit down. I try to steer her into the living room, but at that moment Sonora steps out of her room.
‘Hey, Nyla, you’re looking pretty rosy today.’ She gives me a meaningful wink, then turns to June. ‘I’m ready.’
June runs a hand through her hair. ‘Ready for what?’
Sonora slips into her worn-out sneakers. ‘You do remember you’re a doctor, right?’
Leaning against the kitchen doorframe, I watch Sonora explain to a visibly scatterbrained June that they decided half an hour ago to walk to work together.
Just as June realizes she’s even already gotten dressed for it, my phone buzzes. A message from Jaden pops up. My heart beats faster as I open it.
I read,21 Governors Court, Bedford. Do you have time? I’m already here.
For what?I type and hit send.
The three dots dance.For the most beautiful garden in the world.
I slap a hand over my mouth. When I brought it up yesterday, I didn’t think it would be possible this quickly. Just the way everything in him tensed up, the fear written all over his face.
‘Bye, Nyla!’ Sonora calls. Maybe June says something too, I don’t know; I just mumble a goodbye and listen to the door click shut.
A thousand questions tumble over each other in my head. Why did he change his mind? What happened? Why Bedford? What’s there?
Coming as fast as I can, I write to Jaden, and head for the bathroom.
An hour later, my taxi turns into Governors Court. I stretch on the seat and spot Jaden sitting on the sidewalk in front of a pretty run-down little house.
Excitement spreads through me. A wild mix of anticipation and tension and hope and curiosity. I pay the driver and open the door. Jaden gets to his feet and comes toward me, his movements jerky, his shoulders tense, his expression hardened.
