It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a man but it’s been even longer since I’ve done anything that wasn’t for someone else.
Not that I don’t enjoy helping people. It’s extremely fulfilling. And I get sick thinking about stopping. Leaving them to fend for themselves when helping them only takes a little of my time. Okay. A lot of my time. But still. If I stopped now and something happened to one of them…
“Here,” he says thrusting the card at me I’d hoped he’d forgotten he was offering. “Please. You can already tell I’m going to be a burden on you. Let me ease your suffering in some way.”
Oh, my God. I bet if you cut him he’d bleed innuendo. That little quip was triple-dipped in it.
I’d refuse again but I’m afraid it will only provoke him more and I’m losing my strength to resist him every second we’re in the same room together.
“Thank you,” I say taking the card. I don’t plan on using it but he doesn’t need to know that.
“It really is the least I can do.”
My head cocks realizing he’s being sincere this time. My heart breaks for him a little. He wants for nothing. Except for a little peace and privacy. He’ll get plenty here.
“You’ll be sleeping in Blue’s old room.”
“Fuck yes,” he says. “I’m going to tell her I snooped through everything. She’ll hate it.”
I just chuckle as I lead him through the door to the hallway and give him the tour. “Bathroom.” I gesture at the door opposite the entrance to the hallway. “My room.” I wave a hand at the door next to the bathroom. Opening the door at the end of the hall, I say, “Blue’s room. Your room, for the time being.”
“And that one?” He points to the door at the opposite end of the hall. The one I avoided pointing out.
“That’s… Well, it was my parent’s bedroom.”
“Fuck. Shit. I’m sorry. I completely forgot this is your childhood home. Blue told me all about… I’m so sorry.”
Even after almost fourteen years since their passing, I struggle to talk about them. I would have offered him their room. It’s bigger and has its own half-bath. But even after all this time, I can’t bring myself to take that room. I don’t think I could stomach anyone else sleeping in their bed.
“It’s okay,” I say.
“No, it’s not,” Apollo says softly as he wraps me in his sturdy arms pulling me close until my cheek is pressed to his chest.
It’s just a hug. I wouldn’t have thought he was capable of giving a hug that's only a hug. After all the flirting and teasing and thick, sexual innuendo in nearly everything he’s said. But he is more than capable. And I need it.
Just a hug. Just to know that I’m not alone.
I had no idea how badly I needed this.
Sure. My sister and my friends, even Oliver have hugged me. Offered me comfort. But theyhaveto. You know?
I don’t know… It’s not the same.
This… A hug from someone who has no obligation to comfort me carries so much more weight.
And I give into it. Completely. Wrapping my arms around his middle locking my wrists behind his back and holding on like my life depends on it.
“I can be a real prick sometimes,” Apollo says resting his cheek on the top of my head. “I run my mouth and end up hurting people. Don’t let me get away with hurting you.”
I nod slowly rubbing my cheek against the solid muscle under the T-shirt stretched taught across his chest. Before I know it, my hands have released their grip on my wrists to lay flat on his back. It’s so strong, corded with muscles that shift even with the tiniest movements.
“It’s getting late,” I say when my thoughts start drifting away from innocent hugging and toward guilty pleasures.
Though I step back to break the hug, neither of us are in a hurry to let go. Our hands lingering. Mine moving to his chest and his slipping down, over my shoulders to land on my waist.
“Let me know if you need anything.” This time, I’m the one dipping my words in innuendo.
“Anything?” he asks curling half of a smile into his left cheek. His eyes spark on the stormy edge of the electric blue sea of his irises.
