“Do you think Oliver knew?” I ask.
“I think if Ollie knew, he’d have told me and I would have told you or demanded Apollo tell you before I ever encouraged you two getting together as more than roommates.”
I sigh. Defeated. I hate this. I don’t want to be mad at him. “I don’t even care that he did it. It’s just that…”
“That’s something you needed to know.”
“Yeah. I wouldn't be this upset if he’d just taken the chance to tell me when he had it. He told me about…” I pause pinching my lips between my teeth. I swore I wouldn’t tell anyone his real name and that he was in my favorite show. Even though he hurt me by not telling me he had actually changed his name to do porn, I’m not about to break my promise.
“What, Lil?” Blue asks.
“It’s not important. All that matters is that he now has a history of keeping things from me when he’s had the chance to tell me. What else has he kept from me or lied to me about? I don’t know who he is anymore. I love him but I don’t know him.” I’m sobbing.
Blue is silent as she picks up her calming circles on my back. I wonder if she even understood me. Or maybe she’s just as much in the dark about what to do as I am.
“I’m not going to argue with you about it. You feel betrayed and have every right to that feeling. I am going to say this… I know him,” Blue says. “I also know what I saw between the two of you. Apollo isn’t one to hide things. He speaks his mind and acts on impulse as much or more than I do. He’s unabashedly unashamed of his sexuality and sexual endeavors. The Apollo I know would probably see doing porn as a point of pride. So if you ask me, that reporter lied to you. Or twisted the truth to rile you up. Whatever this is really about, find out before ruining the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
She’s right. I should give Apollo a chance to explain. It’s the least I owe him after he put all his trust in me. Not just keeping his presence in Towering Pines a secret but also trusting that I wasn’t lying to him about not knowing who he was when we met. Even though I had watched him on my favorite show nearly my entire life. Something that still hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m not sure it ever will. He’s not that character in any way. He's just Apollo.
Blue firms her hand on my back giving me a push. “Go.”
I know what I have to do but it’s not easy.
“Aren’t you the one who got mad at me for not talking to you right away? Talk to him. Figure this out together.” This time, when Blue shoves me, I stand.
“Love you,” I say turning to hug my sister as she stands next to me.
“Love you too,” she says and leads me out the door as Mason starts bawling in the other room. “Nope,” Blue says when I try pushing back in wanting to help calm him down. “We’ll be fine. You take care of you now.”
With the pain of Mason’s little voice in my ears, I leave.
