Matilda stood in the doorway. Her sketchbook dropped to her side. She didn’t understand what was going on. Another sob shuddered against my chest.
“I’ve got this,” I whispered to Erin, circling a comforting hand on her shoulder. Matilda got my best reassuring smile. “Your mummy’s feeling a bit sad, so I’m giving her a cuddle. Do you like cuddles when you’re sad?”
Creeping closer, Matilda nodded.
“You want to come join our cuddle?” I waved her over. “I reckon your mum would like that a lot when she’s feeling sad.”
Matilda toddled over. I expected her to latch onto Erin’s leg, but her arms shot in the air.
“Oh, you’re coming up, huh?” I laughed.
It took a bit of tangling and twisting to get both girls in my arms and Matilda wriggling on my hip. She bent over and kissed Erin’s tear-stained cheek.
Erin sniffled a laugh. “Cuddlesandkisses! I’m very spoiled today. Thanks, Til.” She rested her head back on my chest.
It was her quiet way of saying thank you, and it was more than enough.
For now.
10
That Cautious Touch in Winter
Erin
Another day was creepingto an end.
The firepit flicked up jagged spurts of orange. It was warm, not too hot, and perfect for toasting the marshmallows Matilda had grown bored of gobbling up. The chill that lingered over the valley only prickled my cheeks, but I wrapped my cardigan tighter and hugged the wool close.
My phone buzzed.
Callan
THOOMLING.
My eyes darted over the letters, silently rearranging them in my mind.
Erin
Moonlight. You make Unscramble too easy for me.
Callan
Hmph!
A faint smile disappearing from my lips, I blinked up at the moon hanging low over the mountains. The world was too big. I felt exposed and…untethered. Who was I now that I wasn’t Jeremy’s wife anymore? Or Lila’s best friend? I was Matilda’s mother, but what else? I was nothing special. I got a degree and a job, but I’d never had a calling—like Cal—or a career I was passionate about—like Jeremy. Motherhood was my joy. A difficult job, but not one that paid the bills.
In the swirl of those confusing thoughts, there was a lonely sort of comfort knowing that Callan might be looking at the moon at the same time as me.
What would I do without him?
Shatter.
Dramatic, but true.
Sure, I’d cried myself to sleep last night, but before that, he’d been the glue that held me together long enough to get dinner on the table and Matilda off to bed. He was easy to talk to. I missed him when he was gone.
“Mummy!” Matilda cried. “Watch!”
