I tear off the paper. “There better be something incredible in here because I’m so mad at y—” I clamp my hand over my mouth. My heart thumps so fast, and the tears I’ve desperately fought back dribble down my cheeks.
The sugar bowl.
He found me the missing sugar bowl for my set.
“S-Sawyer?”
His eyes plead with me because he’s still not sure if this is enough. “I wasn’t comin’ home without it. Almost bought a ticket to Melbourne until I found this one hidden on a back shelf at a place in the city.”
I want to tell him that the bowl is the most perfect gift anyone has ever given me. Not just the actual bowl. It’s the fact that helistenedto me. He cares how much it means to me to complete my grandmother’s set after I broke it all those years ago.
I inch my hand away. “I…” Why can’t I just say the words? I rehearsed this! But the only sound that comes out of my mouth is a hiccup.
“Oh, baby, no.” He inches closer with his arms out wide. “Come here.”
Baby. He called mebaby.
I hold up my hand. “Y-you sit right… right there.” I point to the dining chair. “I–I’ve got…a few things…I need to say to you, m-mister.”
He swallows hard. His eyes are swimming with so much emotion, but he does his best to hold my gaze as he sits down. He thinks this is goodbye.
Oh, he wishes.
Slowing my breathing down with long breaths in and out, I fumble for the stack of palm cards on the countertop. I tuck them into my hand and stand up tall.
Sawyer’s eyebrows furrow. “You did up palm cards?”
I shake the last of the nerves from my arms. “I originally practiced this speech thinking I’d have to shout it at you from the wharf.” I flick any tears off my cheek and clear my throat with a prim cough. “Cain said he’d tie you down to make you listen to me if he had to.”
“Did he now?”
“Yes.” I smile. “Okay. Here we go…” I take one final breath for luck. “Since the day I met you, you’ve been teaching me how to be brave. I’m not always good at it. But if there’s any time I’m going to start, it’s today.” I glance up from the palm cards to ad lib the next part. “Which, by the way, meant last week, but since you didn’t come home…” I roll my eyes.
“I’m sorry I stayed away so long.”
“You should be. Now. Where was I?” I shuffle to the next palm card. “Oh. Yes.” I lift my chin. “I was married. I hid it from you because I didn’t want to remember myself. I loved my ex-husband. Past tense. See.” I flip the card around and point to the word.
Sawyer nods.
“By the time my divorce was finalized, I was relieved that I’d never have to see that man ever again for the rest of my life. Our divorce wasn’t amicable. It was hell. He forgot he once cared about me because all he cares about now is money and he made sure I didn’t get a single dollar even though I’d supported him every step of the way.”
“Jesus. I’ve been a damn fool.”
“And I should have told you sooner.” I offer him a sad smile before I go back to my palm cards. “Sawyer, I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t tell you the truth because you’d see how flawed I was, that I was used up and—”
“Put those fuckin’ things down.”
Sawyer snatches the palm cards out of my hand and tosses them across the room. The cardboard flutters and floats until it lands like enormous snowflakes on the wooden floor.
“I want to hear it from you,” he says. “I want the words to come from here.” His index finger pokes me gently in the chest. “Forget everyone else. Luke. Your piece of shit ex-husband. I want to know how you feel aboutme.”
“Sawyer…”
“Tell me, Elsie. I know I was gone. If I hadn’t fucked off for two weeks, what would you have said to me that night if I asked you then? Were you fallin’ for me? Did I have a real chance with you?”
“I… I would have said…that…I can’t tell you I’m falling for you,” I whisper. “Because I’m already there.”
“Fuck, Elsie. Don’t play with me like this.”
